angela

twenty two

it surprised me when matt didn't try to talk to me during the entire week. zac came over and i told him everything. he understood my side and also defended matt, saying that i needed to understand him too if i wanted him to pick my side, not my mother's. however, i wasn't going to talk to him first, even though he was right, he insulted and made me feel upset. matt needed to know that he has some boundaries, regardless of our long-term friendship, he couldn't call me stupid and selfish the way he did. i just wish he could understand that.

the next thing i did, was to call my father, so he could guide me or something. he told me that he didn't know much about my mother's affair, but if i wanted to keep digging, he was going to help if i needed anything. today was sunday, and i decided to call brandon, asking him to find carina because we needed to talk. now it was the three of us talking via facetime. "she said that?" carina asked with her mouth full.

"yeah, and then me and matt had a huge fight." i sighed, laying down on the couch after washing the dishes that i used to cook my food. i told them about our fight, with every detail.

"wow, that wasn't... necessary." brandon frowned. "did you talk to him after?"

"no, it has been a week that i haven't heard of him." i explained. "but that's not the point, i mean, i'm worried about my situation with mom."

"do you want my opinion? i mean, like my really, really honest opinion?" carina put down her fork to pay full attention at our conversation.

"that's why i called you." i rolled over to be laid on my stomach.

"stop looking for him," i raised my eyebrows, not expecting her to say that. "like, i know that this whole story is really fucked up, but mom's telling you the truth, so you should listen to her." 

"we know it's hard because you feel like, well, she lied for all these years, why wouldn't she be lying now?" brandon added and i nodded. "but we all know mom, she wouldn't be capable of inventing this story just because she doesn't want you to find out about an affair she had 23 years ago." 

"i understand that," i took a deep breath. "but you guys have no idea of how fucked up this is, and i mean to really have an idea about it." i bit my bottom lip. "of how devastating it is to not know who your real father is, the horrible feeling to discover that your entire family has been lying to you for years." 

"we can only imagine." carina mumbled. "but... maybe it's better to leave it like this, don't you think?"

"i don't want to." i whined. "i just wanna know the truth, and i'm talking about the whole truth, to hear everyone's side of the story."

brandon sighed, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "are you sure about this?"

"i am, i promise you i am." i nodded.

"then fucking do it." brandon shrugged. 

"yeah, everyone warned you, so now you'll be doing it at your own risks." carina added, making me groan.

while i was answering her, someone knocked on my door. "it's probably zac."

"don't hang up! i want to see him!" carina grinned and i rolled my eyes, getting up.

i opened the door, shocked to find david standing there. he was wearing a grey shirt today, with his glasses on, a chipotle hat covering the mess that his hair looked and a starbucks cup on his hand. "hey, i didn't know you were coming." i frowned, putting my phone down. 

"i brought your favorite!" he gave me a goofy smile, showing me the cup. "plain black coffee with no sugar." 

"who's that?" i heard brandon's voice, widening my eyes.