Second Chance (Vol.1) Squandered

89: Relapse

Zoya wasn't sure if Adi was talking to her or himself.

Adi: (audible) From the time I can remember... I remember them quarrelling...

(In his head)
His memories were all in mute. He could now put words to their voiceless quarrels. Ma hurling grumbles/accusations at Pa and Pa... ever the charmer talking his way out of every complaint with his convincing excuses... cajoling and wooing Ma.

Adi: (audible) Then one day I understood why they fought...

Zoya was ill at ease. Aditya had this tendency to brood aloud around her. She was not sure if he realised he... maybe spilling the details of his father's indiscretions to her...

(Inside his head)
He remembered each of the photographs; a different woman with Pa in each pic; some of them had burned into a part of his brain and permanently imprinted there for life. He could not remember the women; they had never registered; only his Pa. His Ma mad in her grief... her pain... shock shame... betrayed... He had felt cheated. How could Pa... when he had them... had Ma... look at... even consider... another...

Adi: (audible) I told Ma lets go... leave Pa... go to Nanis...

(Inside his head)
Adi remembered his Ma had turned feral; almost pounced on him and clawed the air cause luckily he drew back; eyes frenzied and screamed NO. All her beauty couldn't make her pretty in that moment. His Ma had looked possessed. Adi was 16 but he was scared. He had sneaked in when by chance Ma had been left unattended by both Nurse and Nani. He then understood why they had not let him meet her. He had then kept away for days... kept to himself...

Adi: (audible) She refused...

Adi finally looked up at Zoya and repeated "She refused".

But she wondered if he could even see her. He was in a state; expressionless... voice soft slow flat without inflection... his eyes glazed lost...

Yet his giant wave of hurt crashed down on both of them. She felt his pain. But she did not want to hear more. She felt she was trespassing on something very personal private that Adi in his right mind would share with no one.

Adi: (audible) I thought she was in shock. When she is better I... Anyways Pa was away. Unaffected. But Pa came back... and Ma also came back to her normal self. I told her again. Lets go... leave Pa... go to Nanis... She refused...

(Inside his head)
Adi remembered how he had pleaded with Ma... first... then he had insisted... next shouted and screamed... got violent... smashed stuff... He had hurled abuses both at Ma and Pa... They had tried to talk him out but... he did not even remember what he had said but... Pa had slapped him hard... something dirty he had said to Ma had hurt Pa...

Adi: (audible) I was very angry. Pa had betrayed us but Ma had also betrayed us. She was a spineless fool... no self respect...

Zoya now had tears of her own. And Adi was getting repetitive. He was stuck in the same thought. And he was dragging Zoya down with him.

Adi: (audible) why... why did they... if they loved each other... if they loved us... why fight... all the time... why did Pa leave us.... how could Ma not leave such a man... why...

Zoya: (to herself)
Pa... Yash... Ma... Me... self respect... for better or worse... till death drew them apart... she would love... in sickness and health... But this was not the time to drown in her hell... Aditya was in pain... she had to pull him out... stop this...

Adi: (inside his head going deeper into the dark recesses)
He had wanted to kill Pa... not because he had slapped him... because he had destroyed everything dear to him... he had thought he had the world's best everything... best home... most attentive Pa... most doting Pa... most devoted Ma... all a lie... everything was a lie... and the sick thing was Ma still loved his cheating Pa... his Ma... his different independent strong power figure Ma... still loved Pa... she was just another ablaa naari... devoted to pati-parmeshwar...