The Lost and the Broken

Ice Breakers

Y'know what?

I wish the world would swallow me up whole and puke me right out. Dramatic, I know, but for once I'm sick of being the sensible, level-headed, trying-to-please-everyone girl that everyone expects me to be.

Not anymore.

Today started as normal as anything...slept through my alarm, no breakfast and late for first class. Detention on toast. Bingo.

I was actually really happy just watching him from afar but no, that's never good enough for anyone is it? That's not exciting so now I'm the laughing stock and worse still, HE will never look twice at me (maybe he will but after what happened, never knowing I existed would be a certain blessing). Fuck.

I know this is what's supposed to happen when you're 17 but WTF!! Couldn't this happen out of school?

Just a few months to go, just a few months to go.

So today I decided to take the plunge. After happily minding my own business for the last 6 years and yes, I was happy...content, just stalking him (there, I said it!), I had to take it further. So, I decided that I had to speak to him today, Charlie Tovitz. What makes this even worse is that he's the exact stereotype of every story you've ever watched, read or heard about. He is THAT guy. The football star, dumb jock (aren't they all??), painfully handsome and obscenely superficial. But, I was gonna be the one he'd change for...me??! Of course because that's the way life goes, right? You don't need me to answer that but needless to say, I felt the need to ask him out in a non-private place (my logic for making rejection painless was truly up the spout) and of course, I had to just blurt it out as quickly as possible, making myself sound as dumb and retarded as humanly possible. I don't even know why I'm surprised.

I wouldn't have said yes to me.

Anyway, it's all over now (my life, that is), I can't ever show my face around school or any place anyone may frequent so my life is nothing.

Fuck.