Jason's Diary

Chapter 9

Jason's POV:

Yes! Finally! Lola and me had a date! To be honest, I didn't think that she would really go on a date with me. I'm a fuck up, a loser with issues. But she likes me anyway, well I think that. Otherwise she wouldn't go on a date with me, would she?

-Don't get your hopes up, Derek. She only wants you for sex, that's all.-

Fuck. Not him. Not now. I couldn't fight with him. Not now. Not when Lola could hear it. I mean sure she knows about my issues but I don't want her to see me fighting with myself. That's crazy!

-You are crazy, deal with it.-

"Shut up." I mumbled. I kept my voice as quiet as possible.

-What? I couldn't hear you.-

I heard the grin in his voice- well my voice. "I said shut up." I said a little louder, careful not to catch Lola's attention.

-Still can't hear you!-

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREDY!" I shouted. Fuck. I looked over at Lola. She looked at me with empty eyes, her face was pale. "I... I h... haven't s... said s... something." She stuttered. She was scared, I scared her. Damn. "Lola. I know you haven't said something. It was myself." I spoke softly. "W... What d... Do you m... mean?" I sighted. I had to tell her. "I hear Jason in my head. He talks to me. He says rude things to me which make me explode. He told me to scare you the first day we met." Her eyes widened. Oh no. She thinks I'm a freak. She'll leave.

-Sure she will, because you're a fuck up.-

"GO OUT OF MY HEAD!" I felt something warm on my shoulder. I looked at it and saw Lola's hand on it. She patted my shoulder softly. I felt myself relax. "Calm down Derek." I closed my eyes. Her other hand patted my back.

-She only does that because she wants to get fucked.-

"That's not true!" Lola looked into my eyes. "What does he say?" She spoke softly. "Uhm.. he says you're only nice to me because uhm..." She kept on patting my back and shoulder. "Because what?" I took a deep breath. "Because you want to have sex with me." I looked away. I felt ashamed. She didn't stop patting my back. "Do you believe him, Derek?" I looked into her eyes again. They were soft but sternly at the same time. I shrugged. Her eyes suddenly turned sad. "Derek, I spend time with you because I like you. I help you because I want to help you. You are a wonderful person. Sure you have issues, but who's perfect?" She smiled softly. I looked at her. I patted her cheek. "You are." She blushed and shook her head. "No." I nodded. "Yes, you are." She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. "You are only human Derek. Nobody's perfect. Our flaws are what makes us special. You are definitely something special." "You too." "Everybody is. And everybody is beautiful and perfect on his own way. You are a beautiful person, on the in- and on the outside." I shook my head and smiled. "Stop Lola, you make me blush." "You are cute when you blush, Derek." "By the way please don't call me Derek. I don't like my middle- name." She shrugged. "Okay Jason." I nodded. "Thank you." She raised her eyebrows. "For what?" "For being there for me." She smiled softly. "Always. And thank you for going out with me." "I have to thank you for going out with me."

The rest of the car ride was silent. But it was a very comfortable silence. Warm. Not cold as usually. Lola made me feel warm. She warmed my heart. She was perfect. I knew she didn't believe me when I told her that she was beautiful and perfect. But she was. I saw the parking lot of the expensive restaurant we were eating at. Lola's eyes widened. I guess she saw that this was a very expensive restaurant. She was worth it. I stopped the car. I helped her out of the car. We walked to the entrance hand in hand. It felt good. No, amazing. "Wanna eat something?" I asked. She nodded. "I'm starving." I smiled. "Well then, let's go."