Girlfriend On Mars

21. "All my attention, undivided"

Twenty One.

"All my attention, undivided." 

Something in Jen wasn't allowing her to give up. Determination was spiralling from every corner of her being and couldn't seem to tell anyone why. No matter where she was, she was thinking about it, or leaving texts for Marley to completely ignore like she would or mouthing off to closer friends about it. While Marley wasn't around, she went out to smoke a lot more, with Fran and Hamilton, old high school friends. Mostly every night actually. Sat out on street curbs and the unused rail tracks by Porter's Close, right up until the moment the sun formed like egg yolk on the horizon—or until Hamilton's mom called.

"Girl problems aren't usually your style, JJ, what's changed?" Fran teased, passing the joint towards Jen.

"I don't even know myself, just something—something has changed." Jen grumbled, leaning back against the railing beside her head. She took a few drags before lazily pushing her hand out towards Hamilton.

"Someone's got a crush, clearly." The skinny boy said, wiggling his eyebrows at the unimpressed dark-haired girl.

"Not at all, if anything, she's reminded me why I don't get involved with girls. I can't be bothered for shit like this, I don't understand it." Jen said, laughing humourlessly after she spoke.

"Could she like you?"

Jen frowned deeply, shaking her head. "No, 'course not." Because she couldn't, could she? Marley wasn't even interested in her physically, Jen believed. The night she'd kissed her for the first time, Marley had initially said no without hesitation so it couldn't have changed. She didn't even want to have sex with Jen, she'd assumed.

But even with all that in mind, Jen wasn't ready to be scared away, she wasn't prepared to just fall back and continue the year without Marley as her friend. Things were different, so different that she disliked the idea of not being close to the blonde. It was a process, Marley opening up, getting more comfortable, having the courage to trust in Jen and the older girl felt it would be a waste to discard it over something as silly as Marley not being direct.

So, on a Friday, an hour and a half after school officially finished, Jen walked into the girls' locker room with purpose. She'd realised that the only place she would catch Marley, without her having the chance to push past her, was the locker room. And she felt pure relief when she saw Marley stood beside a row of pegs, zipping up her bag.

The blonde's first reaction was embarrassment. She felt her heart leap dramatically against her ribs as her eyes met Jen's determined gaze from across the room. She wanted to hurry forward and puddle into Jen's ivory arms, to be kissed and to be teased, but she then felt her second wave of embarrassment. She was embarrassed that she'd acted so ridiculously in front of Jen a week back, how she'd continued to ignore her because after a while she realised she was too stubborn and frankly quite afraid to just go and beg for Jen's forgiveness. So, she'd proceeded to just stay away from the older girl.

Still, even with Jen blatantly stood across from her, she felt unwilling to talk—unwilling to embarrass herself further. So, she just stood and stared back, even despite her urge to just give up her guard.

"Talk to me." Jen said suddenly after a few moments of quiet. "What the hell is happening here?"

Marley shrugged pathetically, face hot with the awkwardness of the room. She clutched the strap of her kit bag and tried to avert her eyes from Jen, fixing them on the far wall.

"Look, Rhodes—look at me, please. I'm sorry for being rude to you that time before, and I'm sorry for ruining your day with your friend but you gotta tell me why you got so mad at me?"