Silent Screams

#26

Everything is going good and it just feels like life is fine and nothing is there to hurt you more, you are healing, but suddenly you wake up at the middle of the night and realize your pillow is all wet ........... because you are crying. Why is that so??? probably at that moment whatever you think but most probably the first thing that comes to your mind is.... why am i doing this? why do i always feel like alone?, why do i always want myself to be the one who changes?, Why am I struggling so hard to be happy? After some time this feeling feels like home. Somethings are right there in your heart and knocks at you as every second passes by. I know I am not  fine or right at the very moment because i am thinking about millions of things. Sometimes I think i want success, i want happiness but actually whenever i have them i am like " i never needed it " why? Its just so difficult for some people to find what they actually want from life and whats there within them which is breaking them apart. Its just like millions of arrows pointing at you all at the same time and you have to save yourself from each and everyone of them.Sometimes i am lost... lost in a place where there are many ways to get out but i am not moving, why ? because of this fear in my mind that any other problem might be there waiting for me  to make me feel more pain.Now most of you would be thinking this is just a thought go and fight it, but yeah its just a piece of thought  for you but a whole life ahead for those who think a lot and probably are passing through a bad time.I am just so confused about everything, about what to do, where to go, what to decide because its just like i beard a lot and sacrificed a lot to be what i am right now, whether good or bad but still a whole output of 14 years excluding the years when i was a kid. People like us are so confused that at that very moment when we decide about anything we are like stop!!! any other time. I dont know why am i writing this or why am I discussing the things are probably hurting me more but again i am alone and i need to take out this frustration anywhere. Somewhere where i feel like i will be supported !! thank you, sorry for making you people get bored! 

its 2:40am right now 13june2019 saturday and most probably i will surely laugh at my piece f work when i would read it after some time :)

P.S: i am hurt and feeling like nothing is going to be good furthermore !! THANK GOD FOR THE THINGS YOU HAVE you dont know what people out there are bearing right now.