waiting for superman

her thoughts

Leah looks in the mirror. people tell her she's beautiful, that sh's gonna be hawt when she's older, that she's really pretty. but she doesn't see it. she stares for a long time. what does she see? she sees a girl that once used to be beautiful at some point. she sees a girl that never cared about beauty now it's all she ever thinks about. she misses when ugly faces were funny. she misses when being tall was fun. she misses when just being yourself was the whole point. now to her ugly faces are ugly faces. being tall is awkward. and being yourself is weird. Leah's vision goes blurry from her tears rising. she tries to hold them back. she remembers she's in church and has to come out of the bathroom at some point. someone knocks on the door. she flintches and sniffs the tears away. she walks out with her head held down and when she builds up the courage she puts on a fake smile and joins the conversation with her friends.

inside she is sick of crying tired of trying on the outside sure she is smiling but on the inside she is dying. how can no one notice? she wonders. am I really that food at hiding my emotions? she thinks. then she looks at her friend (but more brother) Nial, and just stares. then she looks at her cousin (but more sister) Alasa, and just stares. she turns to her friend (just her friend) Justin and stares. all of them laughing having a grand o'l time. then she looks at her reflection in the car window of the car on the corner. she sees a face that isnt hers. all of those people know who they are, but her, she still searching. searching for that day or night when she finds herself.

Leah is still looking in the mirror when some whistles and says her name. she snapps out of her trance and looks up. its Justin, nods his head as if asking what's up, but concered not in that chill way.she blinks and tears stream down her cheecks. one after another trying to roll over on another. he blinks at her in shock and flags over Alasa and Nial. they quickly ask what's the matter and she bursts so badly she can't speak. they wait patiently for her to catch her breathe. she sighs and explains what is going through her mind. they all nod and look at one another. Nial looks at Leah and says that God is going to help her through this battle she feels. Alasa tells her that it's the devil doing this to her. and Justin just walks away too disappointed to say anything

and that right there killed her. just that one look tore her apart. the sadness in his eyes the slump in his walk. the weakness of his shoulders made her want to run up to him and say sorry. but it was too late, he already didnt care. he didnt want to be around her. after all who wants to be around a depressed teenager? no one...