The Love I Gave You Once

Chapter 1:Ishq Pehle Tha Ya Aashiq Pehle?

Mama used to say that the world has two types of Women. One who wants a family and the other who wants a career, yet I only wanted love, but I never told her that for maybe I could find love in the emptiness of infinity. Infinity, for the most part, was the four walls of my bedroom where I would daydream of having a different life, where I had friends and a lover. It seems that even with these daydreams none of them came to fruition, I watched countless videos on the law of attraction and made my dream boards yet they never actually came through. I used to wonder maybe it's just not to be. So I stopped daydreaming of a happily ever after where I found love and happiness in one man because it felt that he was to busy to ever find me. I would lay on my bed with my hair spread on my pillow and the magical voice of Rahat Fateh Ali Khan blasting in my ears, the lines that would make me wonder and hope:

Ishq Pehle tha ya aashiq pehle

Aaye maashoq toh aashiq behle

Ishq ke hath lage hain jab se

Aise madhoosh phire hain tab se

Ishq dil ke dar pe kyun aya tha

Han aya tha ishq aya tha

These lines opened my heart to the possibility that maybe I was not hopeless and maybe if I tried hard enough then my soulmate would find me. That was the same day that my mother decided to leave me, she died in her sleep with her prayer beads in her hand. I cried a lot with the realization that the woman that thought me the ways of my tradition and how I must behave was no longer in this earthly abode. The warm air of Lahore was chilly the night she left us. I was alone in the hands of a Father that left my mother for a younger woman, who he made his second wife and a Brother who loved his wife more than his sister. That was the day I decided that I would not allow men to control my life and become a sad woman like my mother, who was sad in life and sad when she left it. I decided to finally be strong not for myself but the memory of my mother and be a woman that no one could mess with emotionally or physically, and that was exactly the promise I made myself. And like that the leaves changed colors and my Mother became a memory yet I stayed in my room for 3 months just staring at the walls until one day someone knocked on my door.

"Who is it?" I whispered, scared of my own voice.

"It's me, your Father." The gruff voice said.

I quickly opened the door, and the tall man with his black long mustache and short hair stared me down with his grey eyes. My father was a respected businessman in Pakistan, he owned a construction company and was the first man in Pakistan to start importing beverages from abroad to the country. His success in his different business ventures showed in his demeanor and stance on his treatment of me and my mother. My Father hated weak people and that is what he thought of my Mother, and I was an extension of her so he hated me more for it.

"Have you looked at your state? So pathetic" He said, looking at me from head to toe and my darkroom.

"I--" 

"Enough Sherbano, I need you to pack your belongings." He said without letting explain.

"But Baba why?" I said on the verge of tears.

"Batool and I are getting you married tonight to my Business Partner's son. The Imam and our friends will be over. I need you to look presentable and not embarrass me. The maid will get you ready, your dress and jewelry are on its way." He stated as he was addressing his employee and not his daughter. Batool was my stepmother, who was 32 years old and I was 22, so our age was closer than she or I liked, we could just not get along.

"If this is what you wish Baba, I accept it," I said with my head lowered to the floor and tears streaming my face.

"You were something I never wished for, but I will get you married and after today I do not want to see your face or hear your voice. You will be moving to New York, that is where he lives and you will be an obedient wife to him, he is known for his temper so be forwarned." He said frowning at the last part.

Only my Father would marry so unexpectedly and that to a man that does not have a good reputation.

"May I ask his name?" I whispered.

"Mirza Shah." He said with a hateful look on his face.I fell to the ground and held onto my Father's legs and screamed. His name made me want to throw up. He was known to have the most disgusting and player reputation in the circles of Lahore. "Baba no you are lying." I cried and held on tighter to his leg.

"Anyone but him baba please I beg you," I said with all the energy in my soul.

"The deal has been made. If you do not marry him then I will lose everything that I worked so hard for, this house, the cars, the money, everything...I cannot afford to go bankrupt Sherbano" He said looking out my window and taking my arms off his legs.

He left the room with me lying on the floor waiting for God to take my soul before I had to sign it away to that man, Mirza Shah.