The Love I Gave You Once

Chapter 2: Qabool Hai

I stared at the white nikkah dress sitting on my bed while the makeup artist did my makeup.

"You are such a lucky girl to be wearing Sana Safinaz to your nikkah ceremony, most girls have to go to the tailor to make a copy and you got the real deal hand stitched by the designers." She said a hint of jealousy in her voice as she applied my lipstick, a dark red shade to contrast the pure white embroidery of the dress.

"A lucky girl indeed." I whispered, as I clenched my fist together and looked out the window, where the servants were setting up the wedding tent for the dinner after the nikkah. I saw Batool with her long blonde dyed hair in a red custom salwar kameez bossing all the maids around on how to set up the table arrangements.

Batool looked up to my window as if she knew I was watching her and smirked at me. Letting me know that this whole marriage and event was her idea and I was just a pawn in her game.

I quickly looked away and motioned my maid Khadeeja to close the curtains.

"Shah Saahib will not be able to take his eyes off you."  Khadeeja said coming closer to inspect my makeup.

"Yes well I worked so hard on it, he better!" said my makeup artist laughing and winking at me.

They both laughed and smiled at me yet all I could do was look away from them. I knew that this marriage was just another business deal for him, there was no love or sincerity in this relationship but these girls did not know that, they were told that me and Mirza were in love with each other and the families finally agreed, like some happily ever after. 

"Khadeeja go fetch me some water please." I said trying to change the topic.

"Anything for our bride!" She said so happily and sincerely that it crushed my heart.

I just gave her a small smile trying to hide my desperation to scream and cry.

"I know your not happy." Said the makeup artist as Khadeeja left my room and she handed me the mirror to see my finished look.

"What gives it away?" I said staring into the mirror to see myself as Mirza Shah's bride.

"Your eyes...they don't have that excitement and nervousness like all the Bride's I've done...your eyes are lifeless as if I am getting you ready for your funeral." She said while fixing my bridal duppata. 

"Marrying Mirza Shah is my funeral." I said as I put the mirror down, not able to meet the eyes of the Bride in the reflection.

The Makeup Artist gasped and put her hands on her mouth.

"Mirza Shah is a---" 

"My daughter looks so gorgeous! You did an amazing job Ruksana!" Batool said in her fakest voice ever. She was standing in the doorway with the glass of water in her hand purposefully cutting the makeup artist off so that she wouldn't fill my ear with the truth about Mirza Shah.

"You were saying?" I said to the makeup artist.

"Oh nothing, I should get going." She said as she quickly started packing up her makeup and equipment. 

"Ruksana what is the hurry darling, stay for the wedding dinner!" said Batool as she sat on my bed.

"No aunty, I must go, have a blessed marriage Shehrbano." She said not meeting my eyes and hurrying out my room.

"What was she going to say? I need to know Batool or I will cancel this wedding." I said firmly looking into her green eyes.

"The only way to cancel this wedding is your death my Bano Jaan, and we both know you would never." She said laughing.

"Tell me now or I will tell my Father your secret." I screamed.

She got up from the bed and grabbed my hand and twisted it until I fell to ground in pain.

"You will be a good daughter and keep your mouth shut, and if you even say anything to your Father...I will ruin you so badly that even Mirza will toss you to the side." She whispered harshly at me.

"You should kiss my feet that I am letting you marry a man like Mirza Shah, I could have wed you off to a nobody, but I needed to help your Father with his business mistakes...so you will be a good wife to Mirza and help your Father get out of the mess he has put us in." She said grabbing my chin so that I was looking straight at her.

"Now we will go downstairs where Mirza, his family, and the imam are waiting. You will hold my hand down the stairs and we will act like a happy family that loves each other." She said faking a smile at the end.

I just nodded as she grabbed my hand and leaded me out the room.

I wish I had the strength to push and pull and run away but where could I go? I had no-one to call my own and nowhere to run expect that my Father would find me and marry me off to the next Mirza Shah. I thought might as well just accept this as my fate and let it be.

As we went down the stairs I felt my heart drop from each step. Batool smiled up at everyone in the grand hall staring at us come down. 

I met his eyes. They were sterling grey like the sky right after a thunder storm, foggy and mysterious.

His black hair was styled with gel and he was wearing a black suit with a black bowtie. He had a five o clock shadow and light circles around his eyes, like he was tired. His nose was crooked like he broke it during a fight and he had a scar going from his right eyebrow to the side of his forehead. He was very muscular and tall, he looked intimidating, someone you did not want to mess with let alone let your daughter marry.

I quickly looked away from him and tried to stare only at the floor, but I still felt his eyes on me.

I felt a single tear go down my right eye, and I couldn't take it anymore and started crying. Batool   squeezed my hand to make me stop but I couldn't and quickly let go of her hand and ran towards to house entrance door. Before I could open it someone grabbed my shoulders and pulled me towards the room where the nikkah was happening. As I looked over my shoulder it was my Father, and he looked very upset by my action to escape. Mirza and his family witnessed it so they knew I was not willing for this marriage.

My father sat my down next to Mirza and whispered in my ear,

"The only way you will leave this house is as Mirza's wife." He whispered with anger.

I started to cry even more and felt Mirza stiffen beside me.

The Imam knew what was happening but he was bribed to not say anything he sat infront of us and started the ceremony. He asked Mirza if he accepted me and Mirza said qabool hai. Than the imam turned to me and asked me, "Do you Shehrbano accept Mirza Shah son of Gul Shah as your husband?"

I looked at my Father and he glared at me to say yes but my mouth was frozen.

The Imam coughed and I saw Mirza clench his jaw.

"I--"

"Shehrbano say yes silly girl." Batool said laughing.

"I--"

"Say Qabool Hai." Whispered Mirza lightly into my ear.

"Qabool Hai." I said once

The Imam asked again.

"Qabool Hai" I said again with a tear rolling down my eye

The imam asked the last time.

"Qabool Hai." I said feeling it take out all the joy from my soul.

I heard everyone clap and hug each other. I felt people hug us and congratulate me and Mirza.

But I felt nothing. To think that I used to believe in love and happily ever afters, that the girl that wanted sincerity, respect, and love was given a forced marriage to a man full of secrets.