Ghost

0902

I felt so deflated as Randy looked at me in pure awe, deciding whether to believe me or not. This was the second time in the last few days that my little secret had been revealed, after years of hiding it away.

"Really?" he said slowly. I nodded. "Really?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"Holy shit."

My heart was still pounding in my ears.

"You're not just fucking with me?"

"No."

He looked around the room a second before looking back at me. "Where are they?"

I shrugged. "Probably upstairs. Hiding."

"That is so cool," Randy said, surprising me with his boyish giddiness. "I mean, that is if you're not completely bull-shitting me."

"I swear."

He studied my expression a moment before a huge grin spread across his face. "Holy shit, you're not bullshitting me, are you?"

I couldn't help but smile back, revealed that he seemed more astounded than freaked out.

"It doesn't bother you?" I asked. "I mean, you don't think I'm insane?"

He shrugged. "I'll still have to see it to fully believe it, but I don't think you're lying, either."

The pounding in my head was suddenly filled with butterflies. They fluttered as our gazes met. "Was that, like, your big secret?" he asked.

I nodded.

He looked at the floor, tapping a finger to his lips in thought. "Well, I guess I owe you a big secret, too," he sighed. "To be fair."

He inhaled, his face conflicted, before looking up at me. He smiled at me slightly, a shyness I hadn't seen before surfacing. Now that I wasn't the one talking, I was suddenly very aware of us, sitting only a couple of feet away from each other. Up in my bedroom. Alone. The butterflies rose up to my chest as he lowered his voice to a whisper.

"I haven't really told anyone this," he said, sucking in a nervous breath. "I don't really want to say it, but I've just been keeping it in so long...I guess I just need to get it out."

I reached up for the cross around my neck, trying to subdue my shakiness, my hyper-awareness. My awareness of how his hair curled over his eyes, which were free of his glasses and bright and green. The way they were filled with excitement, nervousness. The way he was suddenly acting so vulnerable; so young, and wild, and sweet.

"Here we go," he sighed awkwardly.

Maybe it was the romance behind sharing my darkest secret, or maybe I was just being silly, but as he closed his eyes and took one last deep breath, I suddenly had such a deep desire to lean into him. To kiss him.

"I'm gay."