My body is a ton of lead-
hard,
grey,
heavy,
unmovable.
I can not move from here,
sitting in this chair,
propped against the corner of this room.
My heart is racing.
My palms are sweating.
My frantic eyes dart back and forth,
so I close them and take a deep breath.
If feels like I'm breathing in gallons of water,
but the oxygen in my lungs is helping me live on.
It isn't drowning me like I wish it would,
like it feels it would,
so my breath catches in my throat.
I wish this moment could end.
I keep my eyes locked shut,
imagining a small dark world,
like the confines of a small box
where no one can see me struggle.
I will my legs to move,
but they refuse.
I will my mouth to speak,
but my jaw is a rusty iron claw that creaks.
The voice in my throat
is nothing but a croak.
My body is unresponsive to all the efforts that I make,
but my brain is hyperactive.
Thoughts bounce off the walls
and land on the different people in the room
who I think
are judging me,
are judging you,
and judging each other.
I can hear their whispering.
I think I can hear their thoughts.
