mania; ski/x

thirty four- surprise!

thirty four- surprise!

I woke up that Tuesday morning with this biting and clawing pain in my chest, the feeling of desolation seeking through the pores of my skin so nonchalantly; it was unfortunately a very familiar feeling. Nonetheless, I also found myself thinking about him specifically.

I realized that being friends with Stokeley meant I was prone to allowing him to get in contact with me, which also meant unblocking his number.

Although that seems like an easy thing to do, it wasn't. Because, in all honesty, my mind wasn't prepared for any of the trouble that could happen now that him and I are friends again, and that scared the living shit out of me. In conclusion, I was going batshit crazy. A good plan hasn't crossed my mind yet, so I was left feeling sick to my stomach and buried deep under tension.

"Are you done with breakfast?" Royce asked me, abruptly interrupting my train of thought.

In addition to that, my gaze shifted from the table to him. "Yeah, I'm done...you ready to leave?"

He nodded his head in return, walking away from my presence soon after with a unreadable look painted on his face. That's when I found myself frowning by virtue of guilt; it was clear as daylight, my peers view me differently.

My frown deepened as I was slumped in the chair I was currently sitting in, my brain rotting in the depths of melancholy. Mental clarity sounds amazing right now, I thought to myself.

There are times my brain fries up. It's no excuse, I know; I own my behaviour. But I try to help, try to be good, and then a trigger is flicked. My emotions turn cold, fearful, and anxious. In addition, I find myself backing away, fleeing or striking out at someone who loves me.

And in these moments I am least proud of who I've evolved into, knowing that I failed to be the strong and brave man I was born to be. Instead, I show the scared child within, trouble, angry and saddened. The one still hiding from their past rather than seeking for help, and it's bothersome.

But, due to vulnerability and my apprehensive mentality, I'm stuck with this aura of bad energy.

Nonetheless, I pulled myself up from the seat and grabbed for my backpack that sat on the counter. Moments later I was making way through the corridor that lead to the living room, as well as the entrance of the house. But what caught my eye was her—Davina.

She was laying down on the couch with a blanket draped over her body. Her eyes were closed and her chest heaved in and out slowly, indicating that she was peacefully sleeping. Though her hair was a mess and dark circles were marinating in the skin just below her eyes, she was beautiful as always, and nothing could change that.

"Jah, come on!" Royce suddenly called for me, gaining my attention almost immediately.

I took one more glance at Davina before rushing out of the house and closing the door behind me. After locking it, I made my way towards Royce's red Toyota and hopped into the vehicle, slumping in my seat once I was comfortable.

Within the matter of minutes, Royce was starting up the car, the engine roaring loudly. Soon we were pulling out of the driveway and driving off.

We arrived at the exit of the neighborhood, however, Royce made a left turn, causing my brows furrow in confusion, clueless to why he wasn't going in the direction of school.

"Gotta pick up Denzel," he told me.

In addition to that, I pursed my lips in a thin line as I lied my head against the window. Ah shit, I thought to myself, here we go again. His whole vibe now was bothersome, making the tension in the air seem so awkward for no apparent reason.