Catch me

Nightmares or memories

I could feel the cold calloused fingers running all over my body. Tiny pricks going through my arms a feeling i'm all too familiar with. The tiny needles injecting whatever they wanted my mouth shut from exhaustion not being able to reject it. It's been like this for a while now test after test. I was a lab rat to them I don't know what they were testing for or why i'm so special to them. I had so many questions it hurt to think. More needles the liquid I could feel it rushing through my skin. It burned it burned so bad. I couldn't even scream I was trapped in my own skin. "Ahhh!!" I could hear them the screams. They were close, who is that? Who's screaming why can't I help them? Help! The air it filled my lungs as I sat up cold and sweaty on the new bed. It was all an awful nightmare no an awful memory. Yet after all that no tears were relevant on my face. No sign of a small and scared boy. It couldn't have been any later then three am but I knew sleep wasn't going to come again. Not on its own anyway. The feeling of the soft fabric didn't comfort me at all. All I can remember are those fingers anything touching my pale skin sent discomfort up my spine. I wanted to throw up my skin felt disgusting. I need a shower to get all this filth of the memories off. I didn't want to wake anyone up and I had no idea if the shower could be heard outside these walls. I opened the bathroom door only being in here once before. I turned the shower on making it nice and warm letting the room steam up. I got in the warm water cascading down my skin. I hadn't bothered getting out of my clothes feeling safer showering in them. There was already soap in here but I preferred to use my own because it smelt familiar and safe like vanilla. I ran it through my hair and over my body trying to get off the nasty feeling knowing it will never truly leave. It hurt not feeling comfortable in my own skin but I've learned to live with it. Its stupid showering in my clothe's at three am like a drunk person. My heart had calmed down and my eyes are starting to feel droopy again and that's my cue to get out and dry off. I'm so tired I just want to go back to sleep so not wanting to get the bed wet I sit in the tub trying to get comfortable. Fatigue took over and I feel asleep wet and in a bathtub. I awoke cold and shaking. My clothes stuck to my skin giving off a very uncomfortable feeling. Shit I hope I don't get sick. I get up and I'm glad I can't track water everywhere at least. I step out of the tub slowly my spine cracking. I take slow steps my limbs tingly. I grab a pink hoodie and more leggings. I change into it as quickly as possible. I hate being naked so I change fast. I went into the bathroom brushing my teeth. I look up but wish I hadn't. I look like shit. The bags under my eyes were more noticeable because of my pale skin and my skin was even paler if possible because of the cold. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and went to go sit on the bed. It was the first full day in this new living area. I was probably gonna end up stuck in my room all day like usual. I grabbed my phone and unlocked it not having a password on it even though I should. I scrolled through social media curling up on myself my body trying to keep warm. I was drifting off my body not having a lot of energy and it's not like I had anything better to do. Not until there was a knock on the door.