All For You

Chapter 9

Reed |Present

Dating with Cassia feels different from what I'm used to. It feels, well, serious, not causal like how it was with other girls. It doesn't seem like a fling or a summer romance. It's more than that. We've been out at least five times now and every time I drop her home and drive back to my new place, I replay the entire date in my head again. And then new lyrics float through my head. It's been more than a year that I've written music. Five dates – five songs. That's enough to prove to me that somehow Cassia has become my muse – the reason I'm writing music again.

And that's why I can't keep my eyes off her the next day at church. I'm standing with the choir, playing the guitar and practically have my lips pressed to the mic but my eyes are on her. And well, my heart is wishing that my lips were on hers instead on this cold mic. As soon as mass is over, I'm packing my guitar while Joseph talks my ear off about changing the songs that we sing during communion and offertory. I try to keep Cassia in my line of sight but she's already gone outside to talk to other people. That guy – Foster, who she claims is not her boyfriend – has his arm around her waist and I'm trying hard to control the urge I have to pull him off her.

"I guess I'll see you next week for practice," Joseph finishes and starts to leave and I wonder whether he knew I wasn't paying attention.

I'm about to stand up when that little girl from two weeks ago appears again.

"Hi." She grins. "You played betta today than last week."

I raise an eyebrow at her. She obviously has an ear for music if she could compare my performance from a week ago to today. Even I know I messed up last week because I was too busy thinking about Cassia and a lecture from Joseph and dirty looks from Emma made me realize that I can't let her get to my head when I'm performing. So I didn't let her get to me this week.

"How old are you, kid?" I ask her and she holds up four fingers.

I remember what she had said earlier about her mother playing a mini guitar. Maybe her mother is a musician, too and that's why she knows something about music at such a young age.

"Maybe you could teach mommy something," she whispers. "She always messes up."

I let out a short laugh and she grins back, unaffected and not at all embarrassed for insulting her mom. I'm about to ask her who her mom is again when she runs off again. I watch her as she runs directly into Foster and Joseph at the door. Cassia isn't with them anymore and Joseph picks up the little girl and starts kissing her all over her face, making her burst into a fit of giggles.

"Hey," Cassia appears out of nowhere and I almost jump. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

I smile and reach out of her hand but she steps away and looks around. When I look at her, she ducks her head, her cheeks turning bright pink. She's afraid someone will see us and that we shouldn't do something because we're still standing inside the church.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?" I ask her and she looks up at me again. "Maybe at one of our houses? We could order in some Chinese food and watch something on T.V?"

She looks toward the door where Foster is as if she's thinking about her answer depending on him and then nods. I think she's about to say she'll come over to my place since I haven't stepped foot inside her apartment yet. I'm not sure why but she hasn't invited me inside even though I've dropped her home many times.

"Okay," she says with a shy smile. "My house?"

***

When I ring the bell and Cassia comes down the stairs to open the door to the bakery to let me in, I'm awestruck. She hasn't even dressed this fancy for the dates I take her out to. Her hair is pushed over to one side, showing off her neck and shoulder. Her plump lips are painted in mat red to match her short, low cut dress with thin straps. It cascades down till mid-thigh and has a thin ribbon tied around her waist. She's wearing red strappy sandals that barely make a sound as reaches the door and unlocks it.

"Hey, gorgeous," I breathe as I step in.

She leads me through the darkness and we climb the steps up to her apartment. And when we step in, I wonder what's been holding her back from inviting me over sooner. Her apartment is clean and well decorated with a minimum amount of furniture. I see a mahogany ukulele hanging on the wall behind the couch but the smell of food that travels up my nose catches my attention.

I turn to look at her and she's standing beside her small four-set dining table with two cover setups. There are three-four dishes in the middle of the table and they are not take-out containers. She's gone out of her way to cook for me.

"I know it's taken two weeks for me to invite you over," she says slowly, fidgeting with her fingers. "And it's not because I don't like you or I want to take it slow. My house is just always messy with baking and-"

I cut her off with a kiss and she melts into my arms. Her face is already flushed as she looks up at me through her eyelashes.

"I really like you, Cassia," I tell her. "You didn't have to do all this. And even if you wanted to go slower, we could."

"I don't want to go slower," she whispers, pressing her lips to mine.

I'm not sure what gets into me but the next thing I know, I picking her up and sliding her onto the kitchen counter. She doesn't object as I run my hands up her skirt and if she does, I don't hear it because my heart crashing against my ribcage is the only thing I can pay attention to. And I pray to God that she can't hear it. That'd be embarrassing. My lips continue to move against her and I think I hear her whimper but it only makes me deepen the kiss.

"Reed-"

It takes me a minute to realize that she's pushing me away. Her strength is nothing compared to mine and her gentle shoving wasn't even noticeable to me.

When I figure out she wants me to stop, I take a small step back and I need a moment for the room to stop spinning and my eyes to focus. But when they do, they find hers that are staring at the ground as she slides off the counter and back to her feet. Her cheeks are aflame either from embarrassment or guilt, I can't tell which but she looks incredibly uncomfortable.

"Hey-" I take a step toward her and cup her cheek, hoping she'll look up at me. "I told you we could take it slow."

"I like you, Reed." She looks like she's forcing a smile. "I haven't liked anyone in a long time and I really have feelings for you. But I'm not sure how ready I am for this-"

I shake my head, feeling nausea rise up my throat. Am I getting rejected before I can even ask her to be my girlfriend?

"No, let me finish," she says when I open my mouth. "I don't think you're going to want to be with me either. I have something to tell you-"

And as if on cue, someone starts knocking on the door. It feels like a freaking movie at its climax – a girl's about to tell a big secret and it gets interrupted by the doorbell, except it's a continuous series of knocks like Morse code.

Cassia looks like fear has washed over her, like she knows what's behind that door. Maybe I should learn Morse code. She sends me a look that makes me feel her apology even though she hasn't opened her mouth and when she opens the door, there's no one. Well, no one until I look down and see a little girl hugging her legs. And as I look closer and her little blue eyes meet mine, I recognize her. She's the small kid from church who's been randomly coming up to me and then disappearing. I turn around and look at the ukulele on the wall, then back at the little girl and then into Cassia' matching blue eyes. Everything finally clicks into place.

"Reed, this is my daughter – Daisy."