Passionate Critiques [CLOSED]

[ 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒸𝑒 @𝐸𝓋𝒶𝒱𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓃 ]

intro 1.0

EvaVeridan, I have a lot of things to say about your book and a lot of it may sound mean and as if I'm tearing down. I think you have an amazing concept that is more of a sketch rather than an outline and it has the potential to be something wonderful and really inspiring–but, right now it's not very good. I don't like writing these kinds of reviews where I tear apart the story in order to show you what can be changed and how it can be changed because it makes me feel mean and sad. To be completely honest not much of what I read was very good (I really hate saying that). I read six chapters and had to stop because I saw nothing good coming out of the words that you were writing.

I think that you have a lot to learn before you can become a good writer and create a masterpiece that people will desire to read. Of course, every writer has to start somewhere and everyone has to start at the bottom before climbing to the top. With lots of practice and help, I think you have the potential to become a great author with amazing books.

Please don't take this review too harshly, my intent is not to make you sad or give up writing. I want to help you become better, I want to give you sound advice so that you can become the best writer you can be because I believe it's in you. If after you read this you think that I was a bit to mean please comment down below and we can work it out. I don't mind you telling me how you feel because I will sympathize with you.

Now let's dive in.

***

[ O V E R A L L ]

I can't say that I enjoyed your book, it's more like I enjoyed the concept of your book. You have a good idea and a great sketch but the way you executed your idea was not very entertaining, well thought out, or interesting. The story gave me a sort of 'Pirates of the Carribean' vibe but it didn't live up to the pirate stories that I know and love. You have a lot to learn and if you practice I think you'll really become something great.

***

[ I M P R O V E M E N T S ]

This section will be the longest and don't let that scare you because this section will give great tips for you to improve your writing. Your setting, characters, writing technique, and plot need help and so I will focus on all of those in this section.

{characters}

I say this in every review and I will keep saying it because I think everybody needs to hear it, and like really hear it. Characters are one of the most important things in a story because they move the story, they create/shape the story, and they help the reader to understand what's going. If your characters are bad then your story will most likely fall flat. A book without good characters is like a mountain range with no mountains; it's missing something important. The mountain range without the mountains would be flat, boring, and not what it could/should be.

Your characters–while you have many–don't really contribute to the story. It's like students in a class not doing anything and not learning. If your characters aren't helping to develop the story, make it flow, and bring it to life there is no reason why you should even write the story. Work on your characters first before anything else and tweak them along the way so that they can develop the story and develop themselves. Your characters are bland, almost like white bread. Everyone knows what white bread tastes like: it's bland and bleached with no hint of flavor. Now imagine if you took that white bread and turned it into something so it was no longer bland? Like, add some ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, turkey, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. Now you've got something that actually tastes good and leave you feeling more full than you would have been if you had just eaten the bread alone. Do the same with your characters, give them a life and let them spice up the story so that when readers read the story they feel full. This goes for all of your characters (even though I didn't read the entire book, I did read a lot of it and met a lot of the characters and all of them had the same problems with them, so I will not individually call out each character like I normally do).