Shine Like the Moon

Untitled Part 3

"I'll see you later?" Magnus asked with a tilt to his head and an expression caught between guilt and hope.

Alec nodded and leaned down for a quick kiss. The two had returned to the loft the previous evening when Magnus had found his boyfriend on another balcony and broke down in sincere apology. With sweet kisses and reassurances that Alec Lightwood was most definitely his moon, and no one else could ever compare to him in Magnus' eyes, they had drifted to sleep. Morning had found Alec already in the kitchen brewing coffee, getting ready to head out to the Institute for the day. The air between them seemed as easy as it normally was, as if there had been no turmoil the evening before.

"I'll be here after I'm done. I love you." There was another quick peck and then the shadowhunter was gone.

The evening before had not been the first major fight they had had. They had plenty of arguments that had been blown out of proportion, and with the exception of their break up, these fights were usually over fairly quickly. One of them apologized, the other granted forgiveness with a gentle understanding caress, and then all seemed to be forgotten.

Alec wasn't sure how other relationships worked, but he had always supposed that their method worked for them. Afterall, the first time that an argument had carried on further than a few hours was the time that Magnus later informed him that they were officially over. There was always a part of Alec that feared that if he made a bigger deal about something (like the snide remark of "Why can't you be more like your siblings?") that the High Warlock of Brooklyn would think their relationship was too much effort and walk away as he had done before. So, really, Alec tried to reaffirm for himself, these quick make-ups were what worked best for them.

He was having a harder time convincing himself of that now. Because now, after having heard the sincere, poetic apology, and offering his forgiveness, Alec still felt awful. It was a different kind of awful than usual, however. Usually, as they spent their time of anxious quiet after an argument, Alec had one of two internal struggles: either he was silently bitter towards the warlock for maybe the next few hours, or more often than not he was too busy berating himself for making yet another mistake and irritating his boyfriend. This time there was no bitterness or guilt. There was only a sickening feeling of worthlessness.

He went through the day in a daze. Those at the Institute didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. Alec had spent too many years perfecting the art of pretending that his insecurities didn't affect him that no one there would take notice. Or maybe they didn't notice because he always acted tense and on guard, as if a single hit could bring him tumbling apart, so nothing seemed out of the ordinary to begin with.

The whole day he had to shake away the haunting words; "Why can't you be more like your siblings?"

Why couldn't he be more like Isabelle, who sauntered past the men to Alec's side with a dazzling grin. She gave her report to him with a regal demeanor, concluding that the demon she had been in charge of tracking had been taken care of. Then, business done, she was leaning into his space to inquire into personal matters, laughter in her sweet tone.

Because that was who Isabelle was: a dutiful Shadowhunter would could separate her job from who she was as a person. Who could be one of the best and still be herself. Who, despite the shadows that surrounded her, shone like the sun that she was.

"Hey, any new missions to assign us boss?" Jace was strolling up to them with his cocky swagger, wagging his eyebrows at Isabelle in their own personal, running joke, whatever that may have been.

The blonde Shadowhunter must have just finished training, because he was drenched in sweat, his skin glistening and his shirt damp and tightened around the muscles of his biceps and abs. He now stood beside them with his arms crossed and a smirk in place.

Alec shook his head as an answer to the question, glancing briefly to study his parabatai. Jace was the type to stand out in a crowd, mundane or Shadowhunter, a brilliant light that overpowered the darkness. Who was the kind to go into something with all his heart, and who wouldn't allow anything to get in his way. His passion and determination was obvious in the way he did everything, whether it was being a god with a seraph blade or just standing there grinning at his siblings restlessly.

"Great," his eyes sparked excitedly. "So does that mean we all have the night off?"

"I suppose so," Alec answered suspiciously.

By now, Isabelle was wearing the same grin as Jace, seeming to understand what the blonde's excitement could mean, though Alec was at a loss. "So, rave tonight?"

Alec frowned.

Isabelle practically thrummed with an abundance of energy. "A downworld rave? They're always the best."

"Of course. So," Jace was looking mostly to Isabelle. "You in?"

"Obviously."

It occured to Alec that Jace was just asking him to be polite. Now that the question had been asked, though, his parabatai was giving the majority of his attention to Isabelle. It was Isabelle that would obviously agree to attend, and then they, along with Clary and Simon and Maia, would have a wild night out. A night in which they would shine and catch everyone's eyes. A night that they would live to the fullest, not caring about the consequences like Alec was wont to do.

A night that Magnus would certainly enjoy, rather than being stuck in the loft with his killjoy shadowhunter boyfriend.

"Me too."

"What?" Both pairs of eyes stared at him as if he had suddenly sprouted a second head.

"I'll come to. It should be fine." He nodded, trying to not convince them but also himself. "I'm sure Magnus will know where this downworld rave would be. And Iz, you can help me get dressed up for it, right?"

Through her shock, Isabelle smiled. "Of course big brother." She practically giggled in excitement at the thought, "I'm going to make sure you look drop dead gorgeous."