If I Take a Chance [Unpublished]

|4| Gilded

She sat in the middle of the studio lacing up her ballet slippers, her thoughts running amok. The overhead lights reflected in the mirrors lining the walls and the sight of herself in her red leotard and matching pointe shoes was comforting, filling her heart with a particular safety she only felt while within the confines of the studio walls.

She stood up and tied her braids into a ponytail before approaching one of the mirrors and which each step she took, the unsettling feeling in her stomach lessened till it was only a thought in her mind.

She reached out and gripped the barre, running through a series of stretches and warm ups. With each stretch, a feeling like home exploded within her chest.

The soles of her feet burned, her thighs quivering with the strain she was putting them through but she didn't stop, couldn't stop. She could feel the difference in her body like she always did, lungs wide open, blood pumping, heart racing, chest burning, freeing her but it wasn't freeing exactly, she could still feel the restraints on her like shackles; binding and suffocating.

She'd never been athletic, but it was only after what had happened to her in senior year that she became obsessed with dancing, and not in a good way.

The nightmares crept in at night, turning it into her nemesis. They became so bad and frequent that she made the day her night and the night her day, relying on catnaps at daytime to keep her going.

And so, she danced. Danced as hard as she could to mentally and physically exhaust herself, in order to sleep at night.

Danced so she wouldn't stand still, think, ponder and crumble. Danced away her problems, her reality, the emptiness that gnawed and nibbled at the edges of her gut like acid; burning, eating and destroying.

Dancing hurt her entire body, exhausting muscles she never thought she had and sometimes, it made her feel like she was dying but it was good, it kept the nightmares at bay.

Her life felt aimless, being on a routine of sleeping and dancing save for the sketching she got done when she dreamt about the beach.

She felt like she was floating, spending her daytimes at her brother's, working out obsessively in his gym or dancing in the makeshift studio he set up for her and her nights at Nadia's when she wasn't dancing.

Stopping for a moment to catch her breath when she kept faltering a step, she realized that her head was no longer in the dance. With a deep sigh, she quickly changed into her shirt and sweatpants, deciding to go out on a run to clear her head instead.

Her feet hit the concrete trail, time soaking into her skin like a kiss, slow and seductive. She sprinted hard and fast, taking the back route between the sprawling Belko estate. It was a different kind of adrenaline rush but she loved it nonetheless.

When she rounded the corner, she slowed her run to a jog before she stopped and stretched her legs, her fingers pressing her toes as she waited for the adrenaline rush to tamp down a little.

She then began her walk back to the estate. Not Nadia's this time around but her father's, her heart slamming wildly against her ribcage as she thought about what she could encounter once in there. Why she chose that moment to return home was still beyond her but she knew she had to, it was only a moment before her father hauled her defiant ass back where she belonged.