Writing Challenge

July 18 - Noodles

Genre: Humour

Warnings: Extremely goofy and a lil stupid 

Description: Willard the Ramen Noodle documents his life.

WC: 1,266

You might be asking yourself: Why the hell am I reading about a talking noodle? When what you should be asking yourself is: Why the hell is the noodle talking?

Well, to answer your question; this talking noodle has a name, Willard, and I have feelings too you know... 

Now that that's out of the way, I am, as you already know, Willard, and yes, I am a Ramen Noodle. You may think that my life is boring, but you would be sorely mistaken. You see, my life has been such a roller-coaster that it would put all of Disney land to shame, and sure, sometimes life gets me down but there's always a two-hundred and fifty pound stand mixer to pick me back up again. And when I feel cold and dead inside there's a four thousand degree oven to warm my insides and turn me into a rock hard noodle.

Not only that, but I never have to worry about being alone because I have all my brothers and sisters right here with me. I even have my cousin Saimen constantly asking if we can hang out some time. 

You may be wondering how I was made, well, it's simple really. I was first created when flour, water, salt and kansui (an alkaline water) were mixed, kneaded together, cut into perfect noodles, steamed, dehydrated (which was awful) and then packaged and sent on my merry way.

After only a few hours being alive I was scared to death, after everything I had been through, all of the pain and torture of being made into a Ramen Noodle, I was told that my life expectancy was less than 5 months! At first I was angry and scared and I just didn't know what to do, but then my brother, Otto, reminded me that life is about how you spend it and the memories made, not about how long it is! With that in mind we set off on our long journey to the place where all noodles are destined to go: The Store.

My family and I were chosen to be sent to Walmart, it's a famous blue store, and suddenly, I knew everything would be okay, Marta, my sister, had explained that 5 months was how long we would live if no one chose us from the Choosing Place, also called a shelf. And Walmart was always open, so someone would surely pick us soon after we were sent to The Store.

Soon after learning what Store we would be assigned, we made our way to a large metal square, also called Truck. Truck took good care of us and got us to Walmart not too long after our departure. We were carefully set outside of Walmart by the Humans who work there (what lucky and joyful people they must be!) and before long we were taken into a large dimly lit room called Storage. My family and I were so exited to be taken to the Choosing Place that we could hardly sleep, and we stayed up until there were only a few more families to go before we were up, sadly, we were all exhausted and ended up falling asleep before we could be taken to the Choosing Place.

That morning I awoke to the loud chattering of my brothers and sisters.

"Can you guys quiet down please? I'm really tired, just five more minutes..." I begged as I drifted off to sleep.

WAIT! I startled awake once I realized that the noise wasn't coming from my family, but the Humans.

"Brothers! Sisters!" I yelled, attempting to draw them from their slumber. "We made it! We made it to the Choosing Place!"

Soon everyone was awake and excited, we were all discussing how long it would take for us to get chosen, all of us hoping it would be soon, after all, we had less than 5 months, something we all seemed to realize at once, suddenly everyone was panicking with the realization of how little time we had. No, I reminded myself, it's about the experiences and memories, how you spend the time rather than how much time you have to spend. I told as much to my family, and everyone calmed down, we all started getting antiquated with the neighboring families, and things seemed to be looking up for us...

Until it had been a month... then two... then three... then four... and finally five. There was nothing we could do, no one wanted us... and it seemed like it would be the end. There was nothing any of us could do, except hope that somehow we would be spared. The next morning, a Human belonging to Walmart came and took us to a special Choosing Place called Clearance, and it was that day that a male Human took us home. Finally, we were safe.

Human took us to his home; College. Human lived with another Human, and the two seemed to be close. Maybe they were family too. Our Human put us in our new home. Our Human and other Human liked spending quality time with each family, they would take one and then come back later for another. We couldn't wait for it to be our turn, and then one day, it was. Our Human came home and grabbed us, the last family, and...

Ripped us in two.

We were all filled with unbearable pain and were then sent into a Pot. A black hole with a branch which was filled with water. at first it was cold, but then it stared to heat up, suddenly I forgot the pain of being ripped in two as the water got hotter and hotter, suddenly bubbles were everywhere and it was so, so hot. But Human came back for us and saved us. 

We slid into a round object, much like the Pot, but more rounded, Human grabbed a Grabby-Stabby, or a Fork, as the Humans call it, and slowly picked a few of us up at a time. He's going to save us! I though as he brought the Grabby-Stabby to his mouth... and ground my family to nothing.

I stared at Human mortified. My family. Gone. In an instant. I thought... I thought we were saved, I thought Human had saved us from death at Walmart. I thought we would all live happily. I thought... I though my family was safe.

Human shoveled more of my brothers and sisters into his mouth while I could only stare, after only a few moments, I knew my time was up. This was the end. After everything...

Suddenly everything went dark and I could no longer see. Well, I thought to myself, at least my death was quick and painless. 

Oh, how wrong I was. Within moments a pain greater than any other I had ever felt, being ripped apart boiled alive... it was nothing compared to being ground into nothing. When I thought it was finally over I found myself being burned alive. Stomach acid I realized, though I was too dazed to care. I was tired... so tired. So I let the fatigue consume me as all my senses numbed and I slipped into blissful nothingness.

Everything hurt. Everything. I slowly opened my eyes to see... garbage. So mush trash and pollution  that there was not a single shred of vegetation. I slowly came to realize, that I cannot be digested. I will live here, with the trash, until the end of time, alone, cold, and in extreme pain. This, is the life of a Ramen Noodle.