Becoming & Accepting INTJ

The First Meeting

I was sitting in the brown leather lounge chair in the PPS office (Personal Pupil Services office). I remained quiet, but quiet people tend to have the loudest minds. From the outside I seemed perfectly normal but my parents believe I'm troubled, because I'm here. They didn't understand the way their daughter thinks or behaves.

"We can talk about anything you like. But I have to ask you a few questions first," Mrs. Galen, my counselor said. She crossed her legs and leaned back in her gray pants suit, sitting across from me at her desk.

"How do you spell your name? First and last." She asked.

"E-l-e-n-a   T-r-e-v-e-n-o-"

"Have you ever been to a counselor before?"

"No."

"In one word how do you feel about you parents having you come here?"

Annoyed. Freaked out.

"Worried."

"Do you feel your grades and GPA are higher, lower, or average?"

""Mabey, just above average."

"If you had a fairy god mother what positive change would you make in your life?"

Huh, that's a unique question.

"I would make sure my parents were forever financially secure. And to do what I want when I went with out having to face consequences. I wouldn't do any thing bad of course, but I would take more risks. Good, positive, risks."

Mrs. Galen smiled as she scratched down more notes.

"Overall, how would you describe your mood? And how would others describe your mood?"

"I think, my parents would say I'm anti-social. My friends would say I'm shy. I do talk if I think talking to you isn't a waste of energy."

"Now, everyone expects something different from the counseling process. Some want to vent and have me sit and listen, others want to have an actual back and forth conversation. What are you expecting from these meetings?"

" I expect..."

That you won't find out much.

"I'm not sure actually."

"How do you learn best?" Mrs. Galen  asked.

"I'm a visual learner, but I also like discussions."

"How do you handle aggravation and frustration."

"I don't do anything. I just do something to get my mind off it."

"Besides what your parents said. Why do you think you are here? Like what life event affected you, brining you here?"

My parents forcing me.

I sat there for a while thinking of what to say as I observed her nature themed office. It had a couple of plants, some on the floor others on shelves. My favorite was the purple orchid in a white vase on her desk. The room was white made of the standard, government issued cinder blocks used to build public buildings. She had a couple of pictures of family, friends, and animals on her walls. Her shelves were over flowing with books and trinkets. All her funiture, if you can even call it that, was cheap metal or fake wood. She tried to make it "homey", warm, and inviting. It didn't work.

"Well, Mrs. Galen-"

"You may call me Stephanie, if you like."

"Stephanie..." I paused.

Then I realized after I answer her I had to make small talk. I hate small talk. I find it rather petty and exhausting. I wish I could write her how I felt. I only talk to Mrs. Galen when I have to make class arrangements or something. This is so uncomfortable. I have to get out of here. What excuse can I make?...none.

What was I supposed to say? I don't know why I'm here. But then I realized I said that last sentence out loud. Shoot.

"Well Elena...your parents are just...concerned that there is something wrong becuase you have new friends. I know these kids, and they're very nice, there's nothing wrong but-"

Well there must be something wrong. I'm here! My parents are always telling me to go out more and socialize but then I do it and they're concerned? What the heck!?

" -they are just wondering why you haven't been hanging out with your... other friends. And you are almost never home becuase of your extra curricular activities. And -"

You said they would be good for college. Do you think I want to be in this infernal pit till sundown? I only like, like 4 of the activities I'm in anyway...

So instead of the session being about me. It ended up being about how my parents feel and how Mrs. Galen will help me get through my pubescent mood swings and midlife crisis. Yes I highly encourage my fellow peers to express there feeling to the counselor (Me talking sarcastically).

Normally I would be ok with "talking things out". But not when

1) you keep inturrupting me

2) there's no problem

3) my parents or you didn't ask me how I felt about being here. You asked in one word.

I nodded and pretended to be ok with being interrogated and pryed open, like a defected toy. Eventually, the bell rand. Advisory was over. I said good bye to Mrs. G and speed walked out the office. I could feel her stare of disappointment on me.

I know I shouldn't feel guilty about being an introvert. But somehow, I always do.

It was societys way of trying to mold me into something I'm not.

And I hated it.