His Girl

Love Letters

School was torture without him. I was gathering what information I could via other people. Most of it was inaccurate.

"Adam Breaker?" The substitute teacher in home room asked.

"He's not here," I said before Camila could take over as if she spoke for him. She didn't. I felt the class look at me, but I didn't care.

"I have something for you," Jake whispered during class.

"What?"

He slid a folded piece of paper across my desk. I opened it to see an awkward address and the name Adam Breaker. My heart stopped.

"He wrote me, said to give you that if you want to write him."

"Really? Me? He said to give it to me?"

"Yeah. Way to not look desperate."

Ugh. Right. I tucked the paper into my notebook, immediately starting a letter in my mind.

Dear Breaker,
Forgive me. I miss you so much. I'll do anything to see you, to be with you again...

"Way to not look desperate," I heard again in my mind. But it was true. I missed him. All I could think about was how it felt to be with him. Panic see in every time I remembered mom's demand to meet him.

That night, I poured my heart out on paper and mailed it before mom noticed. Each day without a response was like rejection. Had he gotten it? Did he like it? The stress was overwhelming

***

I checked the mailbox everyday, I had to intercept his letter. Finally, it arrived. I held the envelope to my chest and ran back inside.

After tearing it open, I froze. What if he rejected my apology? What if it was over? He wouldn't have Jake give me his address just to exchange letters for that. Would he? I remembered the girl's warning, that I wouldn't be okay. My stomach sank.

I peeked at the first line, holding my breath.

"Dear Chanel,"

Dear. That had to be a good sign. I put my face into the letter and kissed it like it was him.

The key turned in the front door lock. I jumped up, hiding the letter under my pillow. My heart was teeming with anticipation.

"Hi mom," I hollered. "What's for dinner? Can I help?" I was skipping into the kitchen.

"Well, Who is this?" she asked. "Where's my daughter?"

"Haha very funny. How was work?"

"Busy! I can't wait to finish my certification and get off the warehouse floor."

I nodded and flipped on the radio on the counter.

"Me too. I think you'll do really well."

"Whatever you do, finish school. Have a skill," she said.

"Okay." I was putting plates and silverware on the table.

"I'm serious, Chanel. You should be thinking about what you want to be."

Besides Mrs. Adam Breaker? I was in my head. What if that was a real job? Heart thud!

"I don't know, maybe a teacher." That's what I'd always thought but not at my current school. That was for sure.

None of that really mattered to me at that moment. I had to get through this and read my letter.

"We're going to the mission this Saturday."

"Two o'clock, I have it in my planner."

"Good. I'm a little nervous, if I can just be honest."

"Nervous? Why?"

"My boss will be there and everything."

"Aww, mom. It'll be okay. Is your boss nice?"

"He's a good boss. Strict, as he should be," she nodded in confirmation of her own statement.

"He's not mean to you, is he?" A feeling of helplessness grew inside me. In my mind I saw Camila and her gang's houses with shattered windows. "Mom, we can get him."

"No, no. He's not mean to me. I just want him to be happy with my work. I really want to get a management role."

Her vulnerability stirred me. I wanted it for her so badly. As much as I wanted to read the rest of my letter. I held her hand.

"You'll get it, Mom. I know you will."

"If I don't, then you will, Chanel. You'll stay in school and be something. You promise me."

"Yeah, of course."

She squeezed my hand and let go. Her breathing was measured, emotions high. We both went to our rooms. I retrieved the letter from under my pillow. My mood was different, somber.

"Dear Chanel,
From your letter, it sounds like you're doing good. That's good to know. I'm okay too. It's not so bad in here, besides the food. Wow that's a bad joke, but it's true. When I get out I'm going straight to ramen on first street! Maybe you'll go with me, who knows. I told you I was bad news.

Not everything they're saying is true though. I did get into the fight but I didn't start it. I should be out soon. Writing in the meantime is nice. I liked getting a letter from you. Maybe I'll get another one (hint, hint). Oh, another bad joke."

I stopped and leaned my head back against my headboard. He wrote like we were hanging out at the park, waiting for a band to start. What had I expected? A Shakespearean love letter? Yeah, I guess I did.

"Is school going okay? I worry about you, but nobody better mess with you. If you write me back, let me know how it is. There's a lot of books here so I've been reading to pass the time. I don't really like reading, you'd like it haha. But TV is even worse. They play the dumbest shows. I'd do anything to get outside for more than a couple hours a day.

Okay, enough boring you with rambling on about this place. My cell is nice though. About to have a sound system installed haha.

Write me back if you have time. I have a lot of time to think in here and most of it is about you (besides my skateboard and the beach and ramen of course). But seriously, I know I'm not good for you but I sit here thinking maybe this one time, you'll make a bad decision and be my girl.

Love,
Breaker"

OMG I went from not breathing to hyperventilating. Tingling all over. I held the letter to my heart, "Yes," I whispered.