A Risk I'm Willing to Take

Fourteen

"Oh shoot." I stood next to the desk holding the dirty diaper. "We don't have a diaper pail."

Logan looked at me confused. "A what?"

I shifted my weight and stuck my hip out. "A trashcan with a lid that's specifically for dirty diapers."

He mouthed oh.

I clicked my tongue while I looked around the room. I didn't want to toss it in the trash can in the main area because it's going to smell bad.

"I guess I could throw it in the bathroom trash and just set the trashcan outside the door when we go to dinner."

Logan shrugged. "It's up to you. It's your room."

I nodded. "Ok, can you get Lavender and put her back on the bed while I wash my hands?"

Logan stood up and walked over to the desk.

I held my breath as he approached her.

To my surprise Lavender held out her arms and smiled.

Maybe things wouldn't be so hard.

When I returned I found Logan laying on his stomach on my bed. Lavender sat in front of him clapping her hands and giggling.

I sat down on the edge of the bed.

Lavender looked at me and waved her arms. She squealed and flopped back on the bed.

I knelt on the bed and moved closer to her.

"Are you having a good time, Lavender?"

She turned her head to look at me. She stuck her little tongue out of her mouth.

"Food. Food." She smacked her stomach.

"Don't worry, I got you food."

I slipped my hands under her arms and lifted her off the bed.

"I think you can sit in an office chair..." I looked to Logan for advice.

"I don't think we have many other options."

"True."

I sat her in the office chair and quickly ran back to the bags.

I reached in, looking for the glass jars of baby food. I grabbed one and read the label. Apples and strawberries.

I reached back into the bag and pulled out a baby spoon.

I stood up and looked over my shoulder at the chair in front of the desk. It was still in its place and Lavender was playing with a hair tie that I had gotten Marigold.

I stuck the glass jar in the microwave. It was glass... you could microwave glass right? I mean aren't most leftover containers made out of glass? The ones I had growing up were.

I set the microwave for fifteen seconds. I didn't want the baby food to be super hot. The last thing I wanted was for Lavender's first real food experience to go poorly.

Things went just fine for the first ten seconds and then I jumped.

A string of swears ran out under my breath. Pink mush had splattered on the interior of the microwave. I should've known to not microwave a full jar.

"This is going to be fun to clean."

I reached in and pulled out the warm jar. Baby food has never looked very appetizing. I sniffed it. At least it smelled nice.

With my foot I guided the chair to the end of the kids' bed. The whole time Lavender stared at the jar in my hand.

I sat down and dipped the spoon into the jar. Here we go. Hadn't feed a baby since I was fifteen, but hey we got this. I nodded my head back. Approach it with confidence and it'll go smoothly.

Besides Lavender was twelve. She's probably been being fed mush for years. It won't make a mess right?

"Logan, can you please get me on of the cloths I have sitting in the kitchenette?" I yelled from my spot in front of Lavender.

I had remembered that I had bought her bibs after the second spoonful so some of the mess was contained, but she still had pink goop all over her face and hands.

"Where are the..." Logan yelled from the kitchenette.

"By the microwave!" I yelled while I tried to mop up some of the food on Lavenders mouth with her bib. It was not helping.

Logan ran back out to me holding out a cloth.

"Watch out for the—!"

Marigold jumped at the loud thud.

"Oww." Logan moaned.

He eased up to his feet and handed me the white and blue cloth.

"Thank you."

"Anything for you..." He smiled at me.

Why did he have to do that? He knew it was wrong.

I hated feeling like a side chick. I hated knowing that he was trying to establish a relationship with me without giving up his girlfriend.

It hurt being in this situation and not having many people to turn to. I had one friend in the industry that I trusted enough to tell that I was talking to Logan.

He always listened when I needed to cry. He tried to make things better, but no one could force me to push Logan away.

At the center of all of this I really just wanted to be happily in a relationship. I no longer had the option to just casually date on campus. That was the case even before I came out and released my second single.

The amount of people, celebrities and regular guys alike, that had slid into my DMs in the last twenty-four hours was unbelievable.

Suddenly everyone was interested in me. I think they just liked the fact that my music was taking off. So often that's what dating as a celebrity boils down to. What will sell well? What will attract attention?

I didn't want to be some guy's trophy. The few girls I talked to who were popular on Instagram always told me the same story; don't get invested because 9/10 you will serve the same purpose as his expensive car - to get likes.

That was one of the reasons I like Logan so much. He knew me before my first single ever got a foothold and he showed interest from the very beginning.

Maybe once we're in LA and around his girlfriend he'll realize he can't keep pursuing me. Maybe.