The Idea Of You | On Hold

²

i stare at my phone in vague anticipation for your face to light up the screen. and even though it never happened, i remember me picking it up to my cheeks and pretending you were still talking to me.

for even though you never call, i hear you still.

and i imagine myself talking about my day with me, except you're the voice in my head now. and you do tell me about yours too, but it never includes me. and i don't remember when i fall asleep with my phone in my pillow and my eyes tearing up at the thought that i lost you.

but it's okay i guess. to be this hurt. for you don't care anymore, and i don't mind not telling you all this.

still at the end of everyday, when i come home and wish it was to your arms, i don't mind breaking down again. and again. all the time.

for i got way too much time to be this hurt.

and it's not that easy to do as it is to say, 'i don't wanna love you anymore'. for i still do. and you're still tangled in every part of my soul and i just don't wanna let you go yet.

and is it too selfish to ask for a second chance when you know i don't deserve it? and is it too rude to say sorry through teary breath and choking voice?

for it's really hard everyday to look at you and pretend i don't care, when i still do.

~