Which Way Is Home?

Chapter 1: My Ruined Childhood

The demise of my emotions and well being started when I was a little girl at the age of 5. My family used to be like a normal one with game night, Sunday night dinners and small bickers over what to watch on the television. But one day out of the blue, something changed. Maybe it was that someone kept waking up on the wrong side of the bed or was toying with the little things that we don't notice until it changes. 

My dad started going crazy and started to drink heavily to drown the voices he apparently heard in his head. My mother tried her best to stop him but she had no use. My dad would black out almost every night and being so young, I had no idea what was going on. I just thought he would die every night because when i would try to wake him up, he was unresponsive. I remember telling my mom that 'mommy, why does daddy keeping dying? Am I being a bad girl? I can be a good girl daddy! Im sorry!'  i suppose thats when the long term trauma began.

My dad died when I was 7 due to cirrhosis and alcohol poisoning. I cried because daddy had really died and didnt wake up after a long time.  I didnt find out why my dad had started drinking profusely until I was 10. My father had lost his job and his deranged brother had gotten killed in prison, but he never told my family. He drank to erase the pain and to forget. And the booze really did ease the pain and memories when my father saw the 'light at the end of the tunnel.'. Those experiences left me scarred and I promised my father, who lived in my heart, that I would never drink to forget my problems  because I saw the toll it took on my family.

Now the story of my mother is a bit more disturbing.  As young children you dont really know whats right or wrong until someone tells you so. Thats how my brother was molested by mother on a regular basis.  My brother, Evan, is a year older than I am. So when my dad would be too drunk to 'please' my mother, she found a alternative method to release her sexual frustration. The touching stopped when one of Evan's teachers asked why he would always finch everytime someone came near him. And Evan told her everything despite my mothers threats and warnings against it. My mother went to court and was guilty of child molestation. She was sent to a womens penitentiary for 20 years.  Evan was sent to live with my aunt and uncle in the states, leaving me alone with my mom in jail, my dad being dead and my brother with relatives. I was thrusted into  the hands of child services.

There is the tale of my family life and now I shall begin my stories from foster care starting at 7 years old.

My first foster family was the Todd residence.  This home was great except for the fact that the Todd children were not very fond of having a new and more important guest living in the house. They would tease me and lock me in clothes and tell me ghost stories. After about a year and a half, the Todds gave me back to child services because they didnt have enough time to care for me. Then it was the Barclay family, they didnt even know i was there most of the time so they lasted a good 6 months. Then the Goldens, Wagners, and the Thompsons were all the same. It was some time of being bullied at school  and being the maid because they were some of the wealthy families in Australia, and they just wanted more work staff at their residencies. I spent 4 years working as a servant for them. By then I started rebelling against my foster families because all they did was either ignore me or treat me like crap. Although each family did send me to school while I was with them. For the next 4 years inspent about 3 months at each house because each one was worse than the last. These only stregthend my feelings of being left behind, going from one family to another. Like i was a burden and unloved. So I started taking care of myself. I had multiple jobs and rarely went back to the house, which I only went to get clothes.  I learned how to pick pocket and steal minor things and started working my way up to bigger things like clothing. I would sneak into concerts and movies. I had gotten piercings in my mouth, nose and ears. I dressed in mostly black and each family destroyed my concept of love, giving me a stone heart that could not be broken.

At my last family,  the Kellans,  tried so hard to change me but it was too late. I wasnt going to break without a fight. So one night I packed up all my stuff and just left. No note. No explaination. Up and out the door. I went into the world at 17 to live my life the way i wanted.

But Thats not all its cracked up to be. I had 3 jobs, no car, and lived in a run down apartment.  On the weekends I would blast music so loud that it shook the building.  But it was the only way to forget my past.

So now you know almost eveything. There is plenty left to my life but those are facts that you will find out as my story continues....

Caitlyn.

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So here we have the first chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it. Dont be afraid to ask questions. Im hardly threathening.

Vote and comment. No pressure

Emily xx