Love is hard, so I'll write about it.

My Mind is a Mess at the Moment

You never leave my mind.

When I'm in the freezer, I look at those orange popsicles. Our favourites and I smile briefly. When I pass the park where we sat for hours, existing and exploring one another together, I smile briefly. I remember these memories at the slightest glance or even thought of good things. Yet, the smile is brief. I know. I know that we will not share another orange popsicle. I know that we will never know one another, for the exploration has ended. We have ended. But even knowing that, I still smile; even if it is small and brief. I still smile. Those memories were happy. For a brief moment, I am in those memories. Reliving them. Then reality comes sinking in. That was my reality, I was happy. In those memories, I was blissfully happy. Sitting there with you, laying there with you, being there with you. With you. Something that was, but not is. Something that will never be again. Those memories were happy, now they are painful. They remind me that I am broken. That you broke me after I broke you. Now that we are broken I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't miss you, yet I am so alone now. You always chased the loneliness away. I chased you away, and now the loneliness is back...

I miss you. I miss your smell, I miss your face. I miss the stubble along your jaw. I miss your light eyes, sneaking glances at me. I miss your hands and their heavenly touch. I miss your arms, and the safety they gave me. I miss your forehead kisses, and how they always cleared my mind of the chaos. I miss your laugh, how it brightened my day. I miss your light, and how it lit up my life. I miss your empathy. You were always so understanding of how I felt. I miss your kindness, and how you blessed me. You blessed me with your all.

I hate how I cant handle this.

You make me feel whole. I want to talk to you, I want to send you good morning texts. I want a you hug. I want you back. But I know I can't. I can't handle your love. So true, so pure...

I am not the person for you, and you can't see that. Maybe soon you will. Hopefully.

You trusted me after I warned you not to. You gave me your love, and I couldn't handle that. You gave me your all, and I just left you. You gave me your heart, and I broke it.

I trusted you too, and you broke that trust. Yet you are forgiven already. I gave you my love, and you returned it when I couldn't handle yours. I gave you my all. Yet, when I need myself, you only return a part of me. I am a fragment of who I used to be. I gave you my heart, and you broke that too. Though you have the pieces of it. It will never be whole again, for you will always have it. I made promises, you did too. Though in the end, our end, I guess we both broke them.

Broken promises, broken hearts, and broken people.

You never leave my mind, and I am slowly losing it.

You never leave my mind, and it's slowly killing me.

You never leave my mind.