Love is hard, so I'll write about it.

Let me hold you once more.

Let me hold you...

Just once more. Let me kiss your lips. Let me be in your arms as you are in mine, just once more.

Just once more, could you let the world be okay? Let me be okay. The only place a truly ever felt okay was in your arms. With you, that's when everything is okay. Honestly, I don't know how to feel okay without you.

But I know there will never be a once more. There can't be. There can't be a once more because both of us will always want another once more. At least I always will. I don't want to lose you, yet I've already lost you.

I want us. I want you.

I hate how they say, 'There are some who are in love, but not together. Then some aren't in love and together.' I hate it because it makes it seem like love can conquer all. That love will power everything. It is not true. It makes it seem like there nothing stopping those who are in love from being together.

Yet so much separates us from being together.

I can't handle our love, the most beautiful thing I've ever created. I am not the right person for you.

But every night I lie awake, thinking. Thinking of what could have been. About what our future could've looked like. I reminisce of those times where we held each other. Then it was so simple, so quiet.But each morning I am left alone, again. I have no one else to blame but myself. Yes, you may have hurt me, but I made myself this way. I pushed you away. I left first. I am alone.

You are the only person who made me feel happy, in love, beautiful, empowered, motivated and most importantly, you made me feel not so alone. I still found a way to push you away. To make you want to leave, to make myself alone again.

I put the smile on my face. Everyday. I try and I try to forget, at least for a little while. I try to fill my time with useless actions. With stupid actions. I try because its the only way I know how to keep the thoughts at bay.It never works. I can't be doing something every second of every day. The thoughts always creep in. You were the best thing for them... You were helping to get rid of them. You were helping, even if you didn't see that. But, I was not helping you. I just made it worse. Now with you gone, with you lost, I have to fill my time. Even though I try and fill all of my time, it never works. Even when I'm doing something you are there. The memories never leave. The ghosts of the feelings you once made me feel are still there.

It hurts so bad. I don't know how to fix me without you, but you broke me too. I don't know how to make it through without you, but I can't have you.

Just, just let me hold you once more...