Survive [S.M]

Chapter 1

Arya's POV

Shawn looked extremely shocked.

He just turned straight around and walked towards the door.

"Shawn please! Let me explain! Don't leave me, I'm begging you! This isn't what you think, just hear me out-" I tried to keep him there, but he walked to the door and grabbed his jacket and opened the door slowly.

"I need some fucking time Arya, how the hell do you expect me to react?! You casually tell me you are cheating on me? How could you?" He spits in my face and then disappeared out the door.

I broke down crying. This was one of the scenarios I had pictured, that he'll leave me. But not accuse me of cheating, that came like a bomb from clear skies.

I went over to my phone and picked it up. I dialled Shawn's number as quickly as my fingers would allow and pressed the phone to my ear.

Hey this is Shawn, leave a message!

"Shawn! Please come back and let me explain! I'm not cheating on you! It was that one night in Malta it might have happened. I feel terrible about sleeping with him, and I still feel terrible about the drunk one night stand I had with him, but it meant nothing okay? I was in dire need of attention and closeness and-and touch. I am not cheating on you. I haven't talked with him since Malta. Well that is a lie, I bumped into him at the store the other day and god he looked awful. I even called Gilinsky to hear what's going on and he told me he's back on drugs... I can't deny that I care for him, but I'm married to you, I love you. I love him, but just as a FRIEND! Nothing more. Please come home to me Shawn... I didn't want to bother you with this, cause it might be yours... but I can't have a DNA test in like three months so I had to tell you. You would never forgive me if I didn't tell you and it was Jack's... well you probably won't forgive me if it's Jack's anyways... but please... stay with me... don't leave me... I love you Shawn." I said and hung up, tears sliding down my cheeks.

The only thing I could do now was to hope for him to hear my message and come back to me... it might be his anyway.

I broke down and fell to the floor and just cried even more. I didn't even bother to fight the tears or even dry them, I just let them roll. It was almost pathetic, how I was in such a dire need of someone else's appreciation.

I thought about calling Nicki, but what's the point? She can't fix this, Shawn and I need to fix this. Dragging another person into this mess will only escalate it.

I lost track of time and I couldn't tell how many hours I sat on the floor, but my back was slowly starting to ache and my tears was now fully dried up.

It was early morning when I told him and now I saw the shadows from the faint sun had moved around in the house. It must be noon by now.

Then I heard the door click.

I looked up and my eyes locked with Shawn's. His gaze was like a thousand-yard stare, nothing could brake through to him, but as his eyes met mine, they seemed to soften just a bit.

"Shawn please..." I tried to speak, but my voice just cracked.

Shawn came over to me and sat down opposite of me.

"I heard your message..." Shawn said. He was still sick and his voice was still rusty.

"Shawn I-"

"It's okay. It was a mistake, and I've already put that shit behind me. I have forgiven you, but I haven't forgot... it still hurts to think about." He said and his voice cracked. He looked down to his hands which were fiddling with a loose thread from his sweatshirt.

"But if it's mine, I'm happy, and if it's his... I'll try to cope with that... I love you and it will be your child anyway... I will try to love it and care for it, I don't know how it will be to have a stepchild, but I promise you I will try.
But for now; let us just be married, forget this until we can take the DNA test and then we can figure out and worry about it." Shawn said while meeting my gaze. Weakness and tiredness was covering his face, obviously showing how he really struggled to take these news.

"You are so tolerant and I love you so much for it... thank you Shawn. I'm so sorry it needed to be like this, I regret that night with my whole body and I hope upon the god I doesn't believe in, that this child is yours... and I can have the abortion... I am fine with that." I said and scooted closer to him.

"No don't, a child is a miracle for you. Don't let the opportunity slip away from you." Shawn said.

I leaned up and kissed his lips. He slowly starts to kiss back and I let my lips linger on his, like I was trying to pull out all the bad emotions away from him.

"I'm so sorry this happened Shawn, I wish I could undo all of it..." I said as I pulled away.

"But you can't." He said with a weak smile ghosting his lips.

"I said I can have the abortion..."

"No. You won't. You were told you'd never have kids... this is a great opportunity, don't let it slip." Shawn said sternly.

"Fine."

The next few weeks was weird, Shawn and I tried to act like everything was normal, but we both knew and felt that it wasn't. I was deep down into the recording of my last album and Shawn was deep into his music. We had little time for each other and we fought more often, not about anything important, just stupid little things.

I knew Shawn was imagining the worst, I knew he imagined all the outcomes if the child wasn't his, and he had every reason to. I wanted to talk to him and calm him down, but I didn't know how. This was all my fault, and there was no way I could easily fix this.

It was a rough couple of months until the third month had passed, when we finally could take the DNA test. I haven't told Jack about it, if it was Shawn's he would never need to know, and if it was his then I have to tell him later. He was in a bad place, and he kept sinking deeper into the drug hole he was in.

He kept making the newspapers about his behaviour and he kept picking fights in the streets. I still cared for him and it broke my heart to see him like that. So broken. And I partly blamed myself for it. He went back to drugs after we hooked up. I knew he loved me, but I didn't feel the same and I rejected him, which means I am partly to blame.

Welcome to the first chapter of book two!!! Yey

Vote and comment and feel free to message me, I'm bored in quarantine🥺

IG: muffledmendes or Mille.meinich

YT: Mille covers