[Gundam Wing FanFiction] Hinter dem Horizont

Chapter 11

Heero reminisces on his life. An ending for a beginning is in motion. Heero finally comes in peace with his demons with a closure he had never thought before.

A/N: I suggest you listen to the soundtrack music of The Danish Girl by Alexandre Desplat while reading this—starting from The Danish Girl, To Dresden, and then Lili's Death. These 3 pieces of music are what inspire me when writing this whole chapter. I do suggest you try. 

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March, AC 210

London, England

It was all now blurry to him, but Heero could hear and sense everything around him.

His life had turned into a drastic change—he was never prepared and he had never even thought about it. He was so used to be strong, to do the unthinkable, to accomplish the impossible—now, he was reduced into a disabled individual who couldn't even move a single hand without help. His life was now about sorting care and medical issues; everything took so long.

Dribble must be wiped from his mouth. He was covered in towels which needed constant adjustment to regulate his temperature. He took about 30 medications a day (his liver and immune conditions had the most contribution). He felt everything; yet couldn't scratch an itch. Four carers including Karla traipsed in and out and he was rarely alone with his wife and daughter. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak...

Heero tried to tell Relena, by moving his eyes across a computerised keyboard, his desperate state now did not make him want to end his life...

Not when he had a wife, a daughter, a family—a home. His family and home.

Almost eight years ago, Sally and his doctors dropped the bombshell on him, and his world was tripped upside-down. His mission, then, had changed as well – prolong his life. For he had the place in this world, for he had Relena.

His disease was terrifyingly progressive. Within six months, he was in the wheelchair. Within a year, he could not speak. Within two years, he was denied all of his basic motoric abilities. Even so, he had done the impossible, yet again: he exceeded the 2-years life expectancy. Heero had the amusing satisfaction of his own when his medical supports truly astonished by his 'progress'—if not regression...

The thought made him smirk inwardly so many times.

Heero never once thought why. He had come to accept his fate, to embrace anything God would bring upon him (he didn't believe in God anyway so it wasn't a big deal, but he respected her wife); he tried to saw it as another mission to accomplish. Not to pull through the brutal illness, but simply to give his best to live. To prove his existence.

The diagnosis forced Heero to think about his future more carefully, especially when he had made the decision to build a family with Relena. (Before, dying was easy; he didn't have to think for the afterwards—he was just a mere soldier, with no family; and if he died—then that was all to it.) He was recalcitrant (if it could be said as something that he should have done), for he knew what the illness would bring to both of them. He hated the thought of burdening Relena—but the young woman had been as recalcitrant as he was—and he understood that she really meant what she said the moment he saw into her eyes. So he accepted (no matter how reluctant he was), and embraced himself for the brewing exigencies surely would come their way.

Then the world Heero didn't even know before crumbled upon him in the most hazardous way he could imagine.

He was denied his freedom right away when he just grasped it. He was starting to enjoy the welcoming change of his routines, to adapt in the whole new environment–the new world of peace. When he was ready to atone for the sins he had conducted, it seemed that life was thinking otherwise. But he would not give up. Not now, when he could finally see and feel in a different credo.