Random Randy One Shots

I miss and I regret.

Ok, so this is basically close to the heart and writing from recent experience. Please don't judge as it won't be accepted. Mentions of anxiety and past mental health issues. Also a different way of writing. 

Dear journal, 

I miss him and I regret the reasons I let him go. 

I miss our late night calls that would last until the following morning where we needed sleep but needed each other more; I miss crying on his shoulder and not my cold pillow, I miss laughing till my stomach hurts and my tears where from joy and not heartache. I miss being able to stay up late on a park bench eating pizza instead of my thoughts eating me up. I miss my heartbeat speeding up with his touch on my arm instead of a blade. I miss waking up smiling and hopeful instead of wishing i hadn't woke up at all, I miss his goodnight texts wishing me well and his good morning greetings, I miss going out with our friends and watching our favourite shows on the sofa. I miss the fact I no longer get to call him mine. I miss the one person who lift me up when I was down, who held me while I cried for hours, who cried with me when I was falling apart and didn't know how to help. I simply miss my best friend.

I regret that I let him go. I regret I let my mind take over. I regret I let the sleepless nights go empty, I regret saying I was busy when he would call; I regret letting the voices in my head drown out the ones in my heart. I regret not replying to his morning text asking where I had been. I regret letting myself fall through his open arms, I regret not holding on despite my best efforts to keep tight hold, I regret not being ready for the promises we made. I regret not saying thank you when he wiped away my tears, I regret I didn't wipe his away. I regret making plans and letting anxiety stand him up. I regret not saying those words that meant so much to us be kept silent, I regret breaking his heart.   

Thanks for listening journal, been a pleasure. Rye.

Sorry it's a short one but I needed to get that out. Hopefully there will be more tomorrow but not as depressing..... i hope aha.