𝐂𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞 & 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐲 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬

my other self

When I was little and I was more peppy and brave, I used to believe in stuff like destiny and fate, and thought that somehow the world had a way of making things great. I used to sit by my bedroom window and listen to the rain and storms. I loved how the cloudy morning sky painted my room the kind of gray that made the world calm, and at ease, and quiet.

I loved these moments of stillness. I lived in these beautiful seconds of just existing to feel something, everything, anything. When I was little I knew how I felt about things, about people and the world. Even in my lowest moments life was still. This beautiful, messy flow of experiences was in between the white noise and nonsense that I was the most like myself.

That seems like such a long time ago, but sometimes, I can feel like it was yesterday. I catch glimpses, flickers of that version of me. When I am in a room filled with the people I love, the sound of their laughter and joy swells in my chest and I'm filled with happiness. I get small doses of the old me, and, in a lot of ways, the better me. In those times, those glimpses, those flickers, I am the person that I admire. A person that's just here, living this life.

Connected. Alive. Awake.

We all have this tendency, this habit, to sleepwalk through our lives. Trying to save our best and happiest moments for a day we have time to enjoy them. We've all heard the same cliché about how fast life moves. We've read the quotes on Instagram. We've posted them to our stories, our feed. Yet, we never always get around to giving those words a real meaning in life. Life becomes this strange and messy idea of something we'll get to do eventually. But it's happening right now, in front of you. To you. At this very moment.

I have hopes for you. High ones. Hopes that you remember the things that I've forgotten. Like how to appreciate the small moments in life over the next step. Or how life is more of a sea than it is a ladder. How life isn't always perfect. I hope you let yourself cry when things hurt, and sting. I hope you laugh until your ribs ache. I want you to remember that every breath you take is a small miracle in life, even if it may mean nothing to you. I hope you remember that pain doesn't last forever. Sometimes things work out, but sometimes they don't, and that is its own kind of beautiful too.

I hope you remember.

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