"Billy," I whispered, the bright lights shining into my eyes, blinding me, coloured dots clouding my line of sight. My hand shot up to shield myself from the high beams, the only visible thing being the shadowy, muscular figure; I couldn't see his face, but I knew that it was him. Hesitantly, I stood up from the concrete step, wanting to be careful with my movements to prevent myself from any pain. Only God knows what Billy was thinking in those moments, or what he was planning on doing to me if I made any wrong gestures. Billy reached into the car, turning off the engine but keeping the lights on, standing behind the door, using it for protection, as if I was going to hurt him. I could see the end of his cigarette dimly glowing, but I could barely see his face, and it was a far stretch if I said that I could see the smoke as well, even though it looked like a haze.
Judgement, that was the one thing I felt from him, he was gauging the danger that I could cause, and the situation that we were facing before us. His mind was fluttering around the course of action that he was going to take, and from what I was able to feel and see, he was nervous, something that was rare from him. Although he didn't look it, he was frightened of me, and the unknown, anyone would be scared of something that seemed foreign to them. I wasn't the person that I made myself out to be...Heck, to him I could be a completely different person. The shadow shifted, as the glow of the cigarette veered off to the side of him, a discomforting shiver brewing in my stomach, his eyes plastered on me, or so I thought at least.
"Get in the car." His voice sounded hoarse like he had gotten in a yelling match with someone, or his throat was dry. My figure froze, all the air in my lungs evacuating, dissipating from my body. I instantly slid my hand behind my back, keeping the other one in front of me, holding the duvet over my shoulders, my fingers twitching, my ears instantly tuning into the door unlocking. One piece of my escape was done, but if I didn't move quick enough, I knew Billy would notice. His stare made the discomfort grow in my stomach, as I shuffled backwards inconspicuously, hoping that he wouldn't notice. "Did I fucking stutter!? I said GET IN THE GOD DAMN CAR!" He screamed, his hand slamming down on the hood of the vehicle, causing every ounce of my being to abort the plan that I had conjured up in my head. Every bone and muscle in my body tensed, as I kept my eyes glued on the shadow, my palms sweating profusely, the nervousness blooming in my stomach, hatching and consuming me like a leech. Even though I was ready to talk to him, I felt unsafe knowing that he was sporting this attitude. He was dangerous, and knowing how fatigued my abilities were at that moment, one wrong move from him could end with a funeral, and I wasn't aiming for that outcome.
"Billy...I don't think rig-"
"Shut the fuck up Tess. I am not going to repeat myself. Get. In. The. Fucking. Car." He interrupted through clenched teeth, the dim glow of the cigarette returning to the place where it belonged, brightening before reverting to its dullness, the smoke jetting out into the darkness.
"I-I don't think it's a good id-"
"If you don't get into the car in the next thirty seconds, I'll call the police, then, I'm going to go back to your house, and get those fucking men to come and get your ass. You'll be a ghost in Hawkins...You'll be erased, and nobody will remember you...I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself to me after you pulled that bullshit today." My heart was slamming against my chest like a jackhammer against concrete, a pain rupturing through my body, the nerves tearing away at my insides. The threat sounded like bullshit, everything that had come out of his mouth sounded completely fake, but I could sense that something was wrong and that he truly wanted me to talk to him, even though we were probably going to argue, which was a give in. It wasn't like him to do things like this, so it seemed off.
"Thirty...Twenty-Nine, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Seven..." I glanced at the door briefly, tightening the blanket around my shoulders, slowly stepping off the step, my bare feet touching the cold, rocky surface of the driveway, my eyes averting my gaze from his figure, the lights still shining on my body. His stare was stuck on me, as I made my way over to the car, my ears tuning into his movements, the feeling of shame washing over every ounce of me. Once I made it to the car, he slipped into the driver's seat, unlocking my side, getting back out to watch me get in, so he could ensure that I wasn't going to run off. Billy abandoned the cigarette on the grass, crushing it beneath his feet before entering the car, slamming the door closed, while I buckled in my seat belt, tightening it around me and the duvet that I had myself wrapped up in. I stared out the window, feeling the low growl of the engine beneath my feet, vibrating through my legs, the car backing out of the driveway, the steering wheel turning the car to the right, as Billy shifted the car into drive, sending us down the road at full speed, forcing my back against the seat. My stomach turned, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, the passing street lamps shining down on his bruised knuckles. I couldn't bear to look at his face, so I kept my eyes down at my lap, one of my hands gripping the slippery material of the gym shorts, trying to focus on the soft texture, trying to pry myself away from leeching onto Billy's mind, which was completely open for me to tumble through.
His father's voice was echoing through my head, but it was incoherent, it sounded like gibberish to me, but he was arguing with someone about something. It was as if I was slowly getting dragged into it, without even completely noticing. My chest sparked with pain, pulling myself away from his memory, but the screams continued to grow in volume. As much as I tried to pull away, there was just something that was holding me in my spot, like I was superglued to the floor. If I wasn't mistaken I could've sworn I felt a blood vessel burst, blood dripping down my lips, the duvet absorbing the crimson red liquid, that looked black in the dim light. I kept my head down, making sure he didn't see me, trying to keep a shield up between myself and him, hoping that I wouldn't slip up. Compressing, and hindering myself from using my abilities was worse than going with the flow, it used more energy and felt like someone was sucking all power I had out of me like a needle. We went over a bump, blood dripping into a more visible area of the blanket, breaking my concentration briefly, everything slipping out of my control.
Billy's room looked like a hazard zone within those moments. His cassettes were torn from their encasings, the thin dark brown strings scattered across the floor, with his boombox on the ground, face down, like it had fallen from the ledge where he had strategically placed it when he had moved into the room. His band posters were ripped from the walls where they had laid for months, the tape marks standing out on the off white paint. The room was cold emotionally, and literally, a shiver was running throughout my body, the light hairs standing up on edge, goosebumps rising on my skin. I held the blanket tighter around me, as I watched Billy's father pacing from one side of the room to the other, his fists clenched tightly around his corded headphones, throwing it onto the wooden floor, a slam bouncing off the walls. His father's eyes looked exactly like his, and I could see a glimpse of the exact rage that Billy shared, with his free hand he rubbed his moustache, then his hair out of frustration. From the doorway, Susan stepped into his room, sticking close to the entrance, her eyes looking at the destruction that her husband had caused, she looked shocked, but not shocked enough, it was as if she had seen worse, and judging by the body language she seemed timid. His father looked over his shoulder, noticing her expression.
"He has no respect for you or for me Susan. None at all. This is a huge sign of it. He goes back on his god damn promises that he told us he would keep, I don't even think he is my son...He's his mother's son...Not mine." He growled. I could feel my heart drop into my stomach, piecing the similarities between Billy and him, I barely managed to differentiate the two from each other, realizing that they were one and the same. They had the same boiling point, and rage that they couldn't control, and they shared the toxic hatred towards the people that surrounded them, it was as if it was weeded through their DNA. His denial of Billy made a spark of pain tingle through me, knowing that he was not in any position to be a father. Susan had flinched at his tone, but from what I could see, she carried herself like she was used to his outbursts and fits of anger.
The front door slammed closed, my eyes instantly focusing on the door, watching Susan glance over her shoulder, leaning away from the entrance. He said something incoherently, possibly a hello, or even her name, I couldn't bear to make it out though. His heavy footsteps came closer and closer to our location, my heart picking up speed, as I backed away, leaning against the wall, watching his father cross his arms over his chest, his foot tapping loudly on the medium brown coloured wood. He stood at the doorway, his big, glossy blue eyes running over the remnants of the bedroom. The semi-tanned skin on his face slowly faded into a tomato red, the sheer rage that his father carried boiling over into him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing to my room?!" He yelled, stomping towards the pile of shredded up posters and cassettes, his eyes taking in the destruction, piece by piece. His father watched him with a smirk plastered on his face, admiring his work, seeing the rise he got out of Billy.
"The better question is where have you been all day when you specifically told me and promised that you would be home for dinner. Susan made food for you which went to waste, and I guess you don't care all that much because you were out with some whore."
"Neil...I told you its fine...He made that promise a few days ago, plans come up." Susan's timid voice entered the picture, as his father raised a finger at her, silently telling her to shut up.
"I don't care if he was busy or not. This faggot knew damn well what was happening tonight, and he double planned, and he did it on purpose...I taught him better than that." Billy was still locked on the fact that his room was destroyed, all the money that he had saved up, gone in one swing or throw, and he knew his father felt no guilt. I felt horrible watching it unfold, knowing that it was an intrusion on my part. Even though he carried hostility towards me, I still cared about what happened to him, for some stupid reason.
"He should be taught a lesson, so he doesn't forget his promises the next time he makes plans with some streetwalker." Billy's eyes were watering, and I could see him suppressing them, knowing that his father would make some rude, insensitive remark about how men or boys don't cry. The blue irises focused on his father unbuckling his belt, a wave of nausea and sickness washing over my entirety. There was no way he was going to do this to him, there was no way he was going to take it to the extreme like this. If he was going to do this I had to get the hell out.
"Neil...I told you it was fine, please, he didn't mean to, and even if he did it's fine." Susan's voice raised in volume, but it didn't come close to a normal tone. I closed my eyes, feeling the skin below them begin to puff up, as I tried to centre my focus on getting out of his memory before anything happened, that I didn't want to see. Even though I didn't want to see any of this.
"I told you that he needs to be punished for his actions or he won't learn. He is like a dog. A dog that needs to have his nose rubbed in the mistake he made." I felt my jaw drop, hearing him speak made me feel disgusted, and the only thing I could feel was the need to get out. My eyes peeked at the scene for a moment, watching him fold the belt in half, holding the metal end in his dry palm, that was caked with cracks. Billy's eyes darted around the room, trying to find a way around him so he would be able to escape before anything happened. It was risky to say the least. His father was in the middle of everything, he stood between him and the door. Billy had made the mistake of moving closer to all his posters and cassettes, which meant there was no possible way to get out successfully. He should've left once he saw what he had done. He had recognized the mistake, but he didn't let it dawn on him, Billy was still adamant about trying, and I couldn't understand why knowing that he would end up in the same place as he would be if he didn't move out of that space he was in.
He dashed towards the door, and the poor attempt was stopped instantly by his father, who practically body checked him into the wall, causing his body to slam against it with a loud, painful echo. That's when the snapping started, I heard absolutely nothing but that noise, and there was no possible way that I could tune it out. Even when I put my hands over my ears, to drown it out, it was still predominant in my mind. His father's breathing was rapid, it could've been compared to a wild animal, or a beginner track runner. Tears flowed out of my eyes, my brain trying to get itself out of the molasses-like core of the memory. I heard no noises from Billy, which worried me. It was either his father had hit him so hard with his fists, and his belt that he had fallen unconscious, or he was focused on toughing it out, just to prove to his father that he was strong enough.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Billy had done to Steve, seeing the parallels between him and his father. I knew exactly where he had got this from, and I knew that it was only going to continue, like a vicious cycle. I trembled, hearing another crack of the belt, listening to the distinct sound it made when it connected against Billy. A low grunt escaping his mouth. Everything stopped suddenly, silence falling upon my ears, as I opened up my eyes, watching his father tower over him, casting a shadow. Billy laid on the ground, his lip bloodied, his eye swollen, his cheeks caked in sweat. The rabid breathing was coming from Neil, as he began to put his belt back on, shaking his head at him with shame.
"Should've apologized." He muttered cold-heartedly. Billy turned onto his stomach, as he placed his hands on the ground, trying to get up, only to be met with a kick to the stomach, causing him to face plant into the ground with a loud thud, the wheezing noises ringing throughout my mind. His father's hands laced into his mullet, pulling his head up swiftly. "Now look at Susan and say that it won't happen again." I was horrified, as all of my control left my body. I couldn't do anything but watch this happen, and I didn't want to. It was as if the universe was trying to teach me a lesson in minding my own business, and I wasn't learning anything. Blood trickled down Billy's chin slowly, attempting to keep his eyes open completely.
"I'm...I'm sorry Su-" He mumbled, not being able to form a complete sentence without swallowing, or at least, trying to swallow. His father pulled harder on his hair, pulling him back so now he was upright, on his knees.
"Say it louder." His father demanded, his hand tightening on his dirty blonde locks.
"I'm sorry Susan." It was almost as if it was a plea. Then darkness surrounded me, cutting off the memory instantly.
I opened my eyes quickly, feeling a wave of panic and worry strike me. My head was aching like a semi-truck had slammed into it twenty times and was backing up for another go. We were still in the car driving, and I couldn't bring myself to look at Billy, let alone anything at all. I put the duvet over my face, using it to wipe my cheeks, trying to rub out the blood and tears, feeling a shrill of guilt course through me briefly, remembering that it belonged to Steve. I don't think he would mind if I threw it out on the way back. The taste of iron slid onto my tongue, as I licked my lips, wiping them with another section of the cover, a lump forming in my throat. I felt like I was choking, on nothing but air and my own uncontrollable emotions. The only thing I could think about was how much pain Billy must've been in at that time, it was a heavy dose of sympathy for someone who had none for me.
I felt the car turn slowly, listening to Billy shift the car into another gear. After a few moments he put on the car brake, and the engine turned off. I separated the duvet slightly, seeing the brightly lit diner shining into my eyes, a headache squeezing its way into my brain.
"So are you going to be the first one to say something?" I looked down at my lap, sighing, as I poked my head out of the blanket, continuing to look at the little bloodstains.
"What do you want me to say?" I muttered, twiddling with my thumbs, the cracking of the belt echoing through my mind.
"Tell me what the fuck is going on." He growled, causing me to recoil within myself. "You owe me for all the shit you created." I raised my head, ready to snap at him, but suddenly everything came crashing down, a moment of realization slapping me across the face, or at least it felt like it.
His lip was bruised and caked with dry blood, his eye swollen, a light red colour mixing in with purple. He looked angry, and I could feel the blame being turned onto me. It was my fault that he didn't make it home for dinner...My jaw clenched at the image, making my stomach turn, seeing the aftermath of what his father did to him.
"Billy...W-Wha-."
"You happened. This shit was your doing. You're lucky I don't do what he did to me. If you were a guy...I would." He murmured, motioning to his face, as he slapped his hand on the steering wheel. I felt appalled by the threat, but it wasn't just because of what he said, it was the fact that I could see his father in him. I could see the anger, the rage, the frustration, and the violence, all with one glance. My eyes flooded with tears, as my gaze tore away from him. "I'm glad you feel bad." He spat. The tears faded for a moment, and I could hear my brain objecting to what he was saying.
"You don't have to be like your dad Billy..." I whispered, shocked that I even said something like that. Every bone in my body tensed, guilt fading into me, I looked up at him, seeing that he now had his full attention on me.
"What did you just say?" Every single thought clouded my sense of right and wrong in that moment.
"I'm sorry that he did this to you, Billy...But you don't..." I felt a tear escape from the corner of my eye, feeling my skin burn beneath it, as I swallowed the lump in my throat, seeing the hardness in his face slowly twitch, turning over into something else that I didn't recognize from him. "You don't have to be like him..." It was a plea, and I was hoping that he at least heard it, or acknowledged it. I sniffled, looking down at the bloodied blanket, watching the tear that slipped off my cheek thin out the fabric, not enough to make a hole. He looked away from me, his lip curling between his teeth.
"You don't know anything Tess." I looked up from the cover.
"I know that you came to my house that night with bruises on your face, and they were from your dad...I know that tonight your father beat you up because you didn't make it to dinner...And...And I'm sorry that I knocked you out...Because if I didn't he wouldn't have done that to you." His eyes widened slightly, but I could tell that he was holding himself back, trying to act like he wasn't shocked, yet I could see his brain exploding with questions. He cleared his throat.
"How...How did you know that?" I wiped the tear away from the corner of my eye.
"Because I saw it in your mind...And I felt every moment of it...And I'm so sorry Billy..." He looked away from me, and moments passed with nothing being said between us. The tension was rising, and I had no idea what could happen next, knowing that Billy was utterly confused, and baffled by my knowledge of his abuse.
"...I don't believe you." He muttered, breaking the silence. Something snapped in me for a moment.
"He said that you're like a dog that needs to have his nose rubbed in the mistake he made...He told Susan that you had to be punished...He pulled your hair until you told her that you were sorry...And the scariest part was you didn't even make a noise." I choked back tears, watching his jaw slack, his eyes brimming with tears of their own, a soft sigh escaping his cracked lips. "And...And I'm so sorry that happened to you, Billy...But you can't use that as an excuse to hurt people around you...Or else you will become exactly like him." He gulped, his shimmering blue eyes studying me "And I know you don't want that." He sniffled, a tear slipping down his cheek, one following the other, as his gaze tore away from me, the both of us not being able to say anything. The both of us sat there crying among ourselves, until I reached out, caressing the bruise on his cheek, finally being able to touch his smooth skin, watching the mark slowly fade, as his breath hitched in his throat, caught off guard by the sudden contact that we had never shared before.
"How...How the hell..." He seemed so shocked, yet fascinated by what was occurring, as tears slid between my fingers.
"I know it's confusing...But I can't tell you everything right now okay? You need to trust me though...I am not the devil. I am not a witch...I'm still me, I'm still Tess. I will tell you everything when the time is right. But right now I think we need to deal with the situation at hand okay?" I pulled my hand off his face, searching his eyes for an answer, waiting for him to think it through. He looked away from me for a moment, returning his gaze to me, nodding gently.
"Okay." He whispered. "But how are we going to deal with this...Situation?" I wiped the tears off my cheeks.
"First we should go to your house."
*Authors note: My god...It was intense writing this chapter and drafting it out. But I hope you guys enjoyed it or at least were able to tolerate it :D *
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Chloroform (Billy Hargrove)
FanfictionAn unlikely friendship blossoms between two teenagers in Hawkins High School.
