My Poem Dumpster

Ways of life

Oh how it's kind of like a midnight doorbell
Or a dying blood cell

For
         Our
                   Destiny
               
Is always predetermined
Nothing you do or say will change that
Which is fine I guess if you're the passive type

But I kind of think there's more,
I mean sure I agree with the nature of life
It's a stiff, never-changing, straight edged knife.
That can also warp and change which is also quite....
Peculiar

I know most people believe in the 2. Are given a set of rules with laws and... just continue on. Following them. Until the end of time.
Which is how I was raised. 

I went there with everyone else at the time. We would learn and memorize. Discuss how we feel and what we think this line means. I didn't really care all that much. Even so, every morning would I would wake, I would recite. and when I would go to sleep I would recite again. I understand know that I was probably the only defect who didn't understand those words. I guess it did make me happy though.

As I grew I stared noticing it more and more. I eventually stopped doing the daily patterns I used to do. There was just no reason to. I had gotten old enough that no body was gonna tell me off if I didn't. So I just didn't. I still went there sometimes though. Less frequently but still. The other now, much older, kids continued on just the same.

Eventually fewer people started showing up. I was around 13 now so I was probably the second oldest kid at the time. The original group we started out with had gradually shrunk. Either do to them having other stuff or they also started defected like me and just stopped showing up. The oldest kid there (well not really kid, they were 15 I think.) was a girl who I am gonna call Ev. Ev was the type of girl who was really adventurous and go getting. Sometimes when the adults weren't looking we would go and sneak off with some of the older kids. There were probably around 4 of us. Ev was also the first girl I had a crush on. To a surprise of her character, she had a amazing singing voice. I hope she's out there making amazing music.

Of course time goes on. And it was at this point were I stopped going. I don't really know why. I guess it was because it was just Ev and me who really showed up. And we weren't really allowed to hang out with the younger kids anymore. Plus they were all new so it's not like we knew them. Ev would also greet me or try and find were I was when I would come. I never actually got to say goodbye. Or even ask how she felt about me. Eh oh well. Sorry if you were waiting a while for me Ev.

Now I am just kinda were I am now. I guess maybe that's why I have such a odd view on life. It's not like I hate him, no not at all. I just am not really the adamant believer I used to be.

I don't believe in
                                 God

But
             I'm also
             Not an
                                Atheist