My feet shuffle as I shift the mattress a little, getting closer to Phil.
"Hey relax, do you need some water?" My kind senses kick in, and I mentally kick myself for even asking that.
Remember Dan, he is locked up in here for a reason.
I move farther away from him.
"No thank you." Phil mumbles and starts to clear his throat, focusing on a spot on the floor.
The atmosphere remains the same; tense.
"They raped me Dan.." His lips trembled and his hands started to shake aswell, as if his world was crumbling because of that statement.
And I, I felt my body go limp, I felt my gaze burn into his eyes, and how his eyes were pools that had overflowed and let the water escape, streaming down his face.
A visual tragedy, by just taking a look at his state of being right now, you can tell that he was telling the truth. You can tell that he had been abused.
Yet I feel like the abuser for not believing him, I feel guilty in some sort, I denied his accusations of this secret corporation and had the audacity to even say that he wanted to do exactly what these other men did to him to me.
I felt sick.
So I let instincts kick in once more, hopefully gaining his forgiveness.
My trembling hands cautiously reach for a broken Phil, my breath slowly becoming shallow.
My body shifts and the bed squeaks, Phil not noticing at all, too busy reliving old battles. Too broken.
My throat becomes thick as my arms gently hover over his broad shoulders, his shirt sleeves hanging off them, making them look menacing yet comforting.
In a tight lock of arms around neck, I shove my head into the crook of his exposed neck, offering him my comfort.
His rumbling chest pauses for a second and his breathing pattern becomes slower, numbing out the ragged breaths he was taking, a result of his crying, his pain.
Gently, I feel a weight on my lower back, hands gripping onto my prominent waist, grabbing onto me like his life depended on it.
It felt, well, this felt nice.
I like comforting people, being raised by Winnie the Pooh's manners and kind wit made me mimic and grow up to be a pooh-bear myself. I got bullied in school for that, for being too nice, too caring, and too articulate. I was supposed to act like a 'man', tough, confident, but gentlemen like at the same time. I was supposed to like sports and be cool with the other boys at school. But I didn't let the word 'man' define me.
You can say that I am way too humble.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that Phil stopped crying and was just clinging onto my waist, rubbing small circles on the fleshy bulge that stick out on either side of me with his thumbs, my hips, and breathing down my neck, warm ghosts tickling, dancing along that sensitive patch of skin.
I hate it when people touch or come in contact with my neck, it's an invasion of privacy for me. I can't handle it.
I move away from him, a timid look on my face, saying sorry mutely.
"Thank you Dan, really. I haven't had a hug like that in such a long time, months actually." Phil's eyes have dried up, swirls of blue, yellow, and green blending together to make such a wonderful color.
"You're welcome Phil.. Sorry I was being such a cunt earlier.. It's just we are in prison and all." I chuckle lightly, shuffling back onto the cell wall while stretching my legs in front of me, Phil then doing the same.
"Oh no don't say that word, the c word is a very bad word." His nose wrinkles and his eyes squint at me like I did the worst thing to ever exist.
"Well sorry Phil.. How did you even get in here?" My eyebrows arch up and my small chuckle is replaced by curiosity.
Suddenly, his body tenses up again and he looks down on the sheets, not looking at me in the eye.
Oh no what if he killed someone? What if he hurt another human being or animal? My face would lose its color for sure. I would probably vomit.
"Drunk driving.. 3rd time's a charm I guess.. I was stupid." My fingers twitch and body relaxes itself knowing that it wasn't a big crime, and I feel better knowing that. I feel as if he isn't such a bad human being after all.
My eyes focus on his trembling hand, griping onto the sheets that he was glaring at, on the verge of tears. He probably regrets driving that day, maybe he regrets telling me.
That felt like a small stab in the chest, he could trust me.
"I'm an alcoholic Dan.. I haven't found any motivation in stopping and the only reason why I stopped drinking was because I have no way of smuggling alcohol in this prison and I ha-"
My warm hand interrupts his speech, veins pumping under my palm, his heart beating fast, and my heart mimics his.
Slowly, my fingers curl around his, a soft grip applied, just for comfort.
This is all for comfort, not because we have feelings for eachother.
"I can be your motivation." Those words whisper out of my lips, a small smile appearing on my worn out face, waiting for any reaction.
I did get a reaction, a surprising one.
A hug.
His arms wrapped around my waist once more and he buried his face into the crook of my neck, but this time I didn't move away. I let him cry and thank me while he breathed down my neck, squeezing the life out of me, never wanting to let go.
I never wanted this to end, the hug.
It felt right, it felt like I belonged in his arms, it really did. We didn't fit perfectly like two puzzle pieces, no no, but we did give eachother warmth and comfort like no other, that's what I believe.
Hayley never gave me the warmth that Phil is giving me right now, I felt safer in his arms, and that's very ironic considering he is a prisoner.
"I can be your motivation." I said again, but boldly, with confidence, proving to him that I did want to help him.
"You are.." He removed his face from my damp neck, and looked at me straight in the eyes, worlds colliding in the pit of my tummy.
"I feel special.." My brain takes control of my mouth, and a blush appears on my cheeks, wondering why I felt that way.
"You are." His nimble pale fingers caress my red-tinted cheek, and at that moment, I knew why I felt special.
And maybe the feeling that coursed through my veins was more then comfort.
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heeyyoooooo thanks so much for the feedback on this story!! it's been incredible how much you guys are liking it! ^_^
ieroween is tomorrow and i'm super excited about it cause it's fuhking ieroween!!
(ieroween: frnk iero's bday+halloween)
anyway, since it's ieroween tomorrow, or for some of you just halloween, i will try my best to write the next whole chapter of this story today and upload it tomorrow! hey, maybe you might get two chapters, who knows. :D
and spooky week on dan and phil games is literally a blessing like yes!!
so i love you all very much, thanks again!!💖
