My Everything

Chapter 16

KARTER

"Your lying" Dawson accuses me while laughing.
"I'm not I swear" I try to defend myself but end up laughing too. Dawson was trying to speak but couldn't get the words out because she was laughing so hard. Her laugh was contagious and soothing.
"Karter your telling me your favorite artist is Eminem and there's a video of you rapping somewhere out there in the world" her laugh was calming down and she was recollecting herself.
"Why is that so funny" I have a smile plastered on my face so does Dawson it made me extremely happy to se her happy.
"Because your just so I don't know quiet and shyish i would expect your favorite artist to be like Lana del ray or the Jonas brothers" she giggled to herself. I definitely wasn't going to admit that I fucking love Lana del Ray.
"Wow that's how you really think of me I mean the Jonas brothers!" I say fake being hurt with my hand on my heart.
"Alright what do you think I listen to" I began think what does The Dawson Andrews listen to.
"City girls?" I said more as a question.
"I mean they do snap I'm not gonna lie" was her response and I just laughed. As I laughed she pulled out her phone and put a song on low and got up and started dancing. I was dying of laughter, I'm surprised we haven't gotten kicked out yet we have been really loud.
Dawson was on a role trying to follow the girl rapping  and I don't think she realized how loud she was being.
"Dawson sit down we need to finish studying don't you have your quiz in just 2 days" at the mention of the quiz Dawson sat down next to me close enough That our shoulders were touching, she got a serious face on, I could tell she was scared for this quiz.
"You mean the quiz I'm going to fail" I felt bad, she really didn't believe she could pass at all. I wish she could see how smart she was and stop doubting herself.
"Stop your gonna be fine" I gave her a small nudge.
"Alright lets continue the boringness" I smiled and grabbed the notebook and stared back up with the chemistry

——

"So do you understand that now" I asked hoping that Dawson finally got what I had been telling her.
"Ya I think I do" she gave a small smile and looked up at me with her gorgeous eyes I could feel my heart beating faster I just prayed she couldn't hear it beating in my chest. I think I was starting to understand what was happening between me and Dawson  but I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
Do you know how much shit in my life would get messed up if I was gay? I live in this perfect family where in my parents eyes all their children are these angels what would they think of me if I told them how I felt about girls, no correction one girl. I freak out with change and admitting how I felt about Dawson, out loud would change everything. Plus I don't even think Dawson is remotely close to being gay or bi, I mean sure we kissed a few times but, don't girls do that all the time?
Plus, she has a gorgeous boyfriend that she claims she loves.
So basically I know I really like her, (even though she can be a bitch sometimes),but I won't admit it to her or anyone I keep this as my personal secret. I've decided bottling it up is what's best.
"Hey karter you ok?" Dawson looks at me worried and I snap back to our conversation. I probably spaced on her.
"I'm fine, sorry let's just finish up" I went to go back to the notebook but Dawson wasn't looking at it anymore, just at me. Having her eyes transfixed on me made me nervous and I begin to fidget with my pencil hoping she'll leave it be and just continue studying.
"Alright, you got it teach" she stoped staring at me and It felt like I could breathe again. I wrote down one last problem and handed her the notebook and silently watched her try to figure it out. I studied her eyes tracing the page, her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail with a few strands hanging around her face, her hands slowly writing and erasing, and her lips I think I watched her lips the longest trying to remember what they felt like. She eventually finished what I had given her and we began packing up.
"Dawson your gonna do great on this quiz" she smiled at me. I don't think anybody could ever get bored watching her smile. I felt stupid I told myself to stay away from her so I didn't have to come to the realization but now I'm tutoring her and can feel myself liking her and wanting to know her even more.
"Ya if I do it'll be thanks to you" it was my turn to smile. We got into her car and began driving in comfortable silence.
"Hey can I ask you something" Dawson broke the silence.
"Sure" a little skeptical of what she's gonna ask.
"What was all that with your sister at practice" I was hoping she didn't ask I almost forgot it even happened, Dawson made me completely forget about it.
"She just is going through this rebel phase and keeps asking me to lie for her and I was just sick of it" I gave the easy version.
"Oh that sucks but you guys are sisters hopefully she'll get over it" she tried to cheer me up.
"Ya hopefully, it's just me and her use to be so close and then all of a sudden I feel like I've lost my sibling" I looked over to Dawson and she looked upset I wasn't sure if it was something I said but I just wanted to comfort her. I waited for her to explain why she was upset.
"I get it, me and my brother went through allot last year and we're only finally getting back to normal" I think about everything she's said about her brother before and realize maybe this is why she was so cold last time I talked about my brother.
"What happened?......I'm sorry you don't have to explain to me" I wanted to know sure but I didn't want to push her and have her get mad and then have the bitchy version of Dawson show up.
"No it's ok, um well last year me, my brother, and mom got into a bad accident and my mom passed away and my brother couldn't really handle it and he kinda went off the deep end" I felt really bad, I mean I had no clue her mom passed away or that he brother had problems. Dawson's personality and her walls she's built all start to make sense.
"Are you ok?" I didn't really know what to say but I could tell she probably didn't want another person saying 'I'm sorry for your loss'. We pull up to my house and she hasn't responded yet.
"Nobody's has asked me that in a long time" she was staring at me now, I couldn't tell if she was looking at me in wonder or just happiness.
"That's allot to go through I just wanted to make sure Your ok" she smiled again and looked at her steering wheel.
"I'm fine now, thank you" we've been stopped at my house for 5 minutes now so I decide to grab my stuff and open the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow Dawson, have a goodnight"
I shut her door and went inside to my room. I spent the rest of the night trying to not think about Dawson, but whatever I did she was there with her glowing smile staring back at me.

///Sorry it's a short chapter but I just wanted to get something out there. I've been out of the country for about a month and I'm finally heading home today so allot of time on the plane to write. The next chapter is written I just need to revise it. ///