Broken

16:Sad memories

My eyes brimmed with tears as I tried to understand my life.
No father,
No mother,
No siblings right....no I don't think so still have my brother he will still be with me no matter what I know.
But is he my blood brother.
I always thought my life was perfect you know,I should probably write a novel about me....LIFE OF PRINCESS ROBERTS.
I will probably hit a Zillion reads cause right now my life's like A Hollywood premiere.

She said sorry, am sure she thinks that sorry removed the pain.
I chuckled, sorry brings back memories, it tears you apart. Its like a constant reminder of past problems,your imperfections, your flaws,your sorrow,every single damn thing you have been through.
So much pain I went through much after my mom's sorry.....my step mom Nooooo......my Aunty's death no  she's my step mom,I argued with myself.
Life.....life..... Life.....life
What if I committed suicide after her death, will she come to my grave or to the afterlife and say sorry.
What if I did something really stupid.
Oh this sadness.....it dims my glow.
I don't like being sad,it really didn't suit me.
I cried yesterday till all the tears in my gland finished, I went to dad's room and talked,I cried, I laughed,I was annoyed but I wanted to hear dad's side of the story.
Hell I screamed so loud that the nurses came to my aid,they thought I was going psycho but they didn't understand.
I was in the world but I was lost in the world.
My life was gradually turning to a joke.
Now I know the importance of life,I just wanna tell you, yes you if you have someone special or something special in your life value it because if it dies or you lose it you will understand it worth.
I now how to value something special.
My father.
My joy.
That glow in my life has been dimmed,he was my skeleton..... Yes my skeleton.
I can't stand well now because of him,heaven knows I have drained myself.
I then remembered Passenger song  let her go:
You only need the light when its burning low.
Only miss the sun when its start to snow.
Only know your lover when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you feeling low.
Only hit the road when you missing home.
Only know your lover when you let her go.

My lover I kept repeating it,no one loves me anymore or am I oblivious to the love.
What is love in the first place??
Gina would say love is that stupendous feeling that will make you do things that you never planned or expected to do.
Who will actually do something stupid for me.
God please am on my knees right now,please let my dad wake up he can't go like that.......
"Arrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh,Someone shouted.
That voice, that shout.
And before I could think properly my legs propelled, running towards dad's room because hell I know Gold's scream.
I reached there in less than a jiffy to Emerald,Isabella and Gina shouting and crying.
"God I pray its not what it is.

"What's wrong,I asked immediately I got close.
They all turned and stared at me.
Then the doctor said,"I asked them to go home for today, that's all.

I sighed in relief and then I raised my eyes and glared at them,"what's wrong with all of you,you scared heaven out of me.

My supposed Mum replied,"we are sorry,we just worried about him.
I shut my eyes and inhaled a long deep breath letting it out in a whoosh.
"I'll stay with him,you all should go home.

The doctor glared at me,"Princess am sorry but no one is staying with him today.

"Why can't I stay with my dad, why can't anyone of us stay with him, what's going on?". My voice rose slightly gaining little attention from the staffs and patients.

"Look Princess, we want to carry some tests on him and we won't want any distraction, he said trying hard to hide his smile,just calm down.
Something's fishy here,I mumbled.

"I should calm, I should calm down,I struggled to keep my voice from rising or breaking. You obviously don't know who that man is......well let me tell you he's my life,the only person I can rely on,if you can't do anything when are around don't bother doing it.