Mirror

B e g i n

A/N: So I'm actually not sure what happened with this chapter. It was supposed to be warm and as sweet as chapters can get in this story. But that sort of went down the drain when I began writing the second half of this chapter . . . To give you a hint, it was inspired by these lyrics:

'"I'm sorry you're scared. The feeling is shared. I'm sorry I'm dangerous."'

They're from the song 'PHASES' by Chase Atlantic from their latest album, 'PHASES'. And yes, I know it's not a BTS song but you can't choose what inspires you.

Babe, if you read this despite the warning below, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. Nan neoreul saranghae!

WARNING: The second half of this chapter contains a graphic scene containing abuse, mentions of and the aftermath of self-harm. Do NOT read if you find such content disturbing, triggering or upsetting in anyway.

|| e d i t e d ||

"I can't take it anymore because you are crying. I want to cry in your place, although I can't" ~ Jungkook (BTS), Begin

시작하다

B e g i n

~ Jae-hyun ~

SEVEN PAIRS OF EYES STARE AT ME.

I don't quite know how Jimin convinced me to meet all his fellow BTS members. In fact, I don't even remember saying yes. The past few weeks have been a blur and I'm sure that at least half of what I do remember never even happened. Things like Jimin's peaky expression that day at the café. In my head, I can picture the sickly tinge to his cheeks and the way he harshly bit his lip as if trying to hold back a dark secret he needs someone to confide in about but that would destroy him if the world knew about it. However, seeing him smile so effortlessly now leaves me with the impression that I only imagined everything.

Knowing how my mind works, I probably did.

"It's nice to meet you, Jae-hyun-ssi," Jungkook greets, grinning softly, revealing the twin rows of impeccably white teeth behind his smile. His almond eyes are kind as he wanders over and I watch in timidly curious silence as his entire being lights up when his gaze lands on Jimin.

"It's nice to meet you too, Jungkook-hyung," I answer, bowing slightly to both him and the other idols in the room. Through my lashes, I glance around, observing them and what I can see of their intricacies - both as individuals and as a group. Namjoon and Jin sit next to each other in the far corner of the studio, a comfortable space between them and easy smiles gracing their lips. Their gazes are somehow both warm and calculating, kind but still assessing me and my intentions with their hubae [junior]. Yoongi watches with narrowed eyes, cautious and protective, but when Taehyung rests a confident hand on his shoulder, flashing him a boxy grin, he relaxes into the touch. Hoseok stands at their side with a heart-shaped smile, his eyes crescent moons atop his high cheekbones. Shifting with a skip in his step, he is the next to step forward.

Each of them introduce themselves, and slowly but surely they begin to act like what I can only assume is their normal selves. Taehyung and Jungkook try to rap in the centre of the room and while I don't know very much at all about music, they seem to do so remarkably well. On the floor by the wall of full-length mirrors Yoongi looks ready to pass out, his head resting on Hoseok's thighs. Jin laughs infectiously at his own jokes, nudging Namjoon gently in the side with his elbow every time he cracks one. The leader observes the room with a proud expression, his eyes shining with a similar emotion to the one Ji-han bore when he learned that Jimin had plans to bring me to his workplace to meet his Bangtan Sonyeondan family. My presence hardly seems to affect them at all but among their fun-loving banter and crooked smiles, I swear I can detect a certain underlying hesitancy swimming through the atmosphere.