More Than Friends.

Broken

I sat looking out the window at the rain. It masked the tears falling from my eyes. I'm no stranger to heartbreak but this cut way too deep. The love of my life after 20 years was gone just like that. The universe was a cruel master. I felt like I could never love or be loved like that ever again. It felt as if my heart was torn out my chest and I didn't know how or if it would ever heal. As I sunk deeper into depression I heard a knock at my door. Who could it be I haven't communicated with anyone in months and wasn't really in the mood for company. I wiped the tears from my eyes and scrambled to my feet to answer the door. My best friend walked in with her usual cheerful demeanor holding tickets in her hand.
"Come on girl we going out." She said.
I looked down at myself I was in no shape to go anywhere. My hair was pulled back in a ponytail my eyes were red from constantly crying. My heart was broken in two. It would have been easier if he just walked out on me but that wasn't the case. His death snatched my soul away from me.
"I'm not in the mood." I said plopping down on my couch holding the throw pillow close to my chest.
"Girl you better get your ass up I paid $240 for these tickets."
"Fine." I said walking towards my bedroom. I turned on the shower and immediately broke down thinking about all the times we made love in the shower. I sat down my knees to my chest. After cleaning myself and moisturizing. I looked for something to wear. I grabbed a pair of sunglasses to hide my red puffy eyes.
The whole car ride I continued to stare out the window while she chatted away nothing she was saying was really registering in my brain. Suddenly we pulled up to something that looked like a gym. She grabbed my hand and ran towards the entrance.
"Girl you gonna love this."
I doubt it I thought to myself. As much as I loved her she never has a fully cooked plan.
When we walked inside the music was loud. I was already ready to go. I excused myself and walked back outside. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again. I removed my sunglasses to wipe them away, out the corner of my eye I saw two very tall figures walking towards me. One of them stopped.
"You okay." He asked he extended his hand helping me off the wall I was sitting on.
"Thank you." I said my voice still a bit distorted from crying.
"Whatever it is it'll get better." He said.
I tried to smile but my heart just wouldn't let me, it wouldn't let me believe that it wasn't the end of the world.
I walked back into the crowded gym and took a seat on the bleacher in the front row. I never thought in a million years that I would meet Les Twins nor did I think that I would be speaking to Larry. He was so nice.
I watched as they danced and interacted with their fans. As much as I wanted to be more spirited my mind and heart just wouldn't let me. After the workshop there was an afterparty. I stood against the wall my mind scattered in a million places. When it was all over my best friend and I were two of the last to leave.
"Excuse me." I heard a voice call from behind me.
I turned around and waited while he caught up.
"Can I talk to you for second."
"Sure" I said.
"I'll meet you in the car girl." My best friend said.
After she was out of eyesite he stepped closer to me removing my sunglasses. I looked down at the ground. I knew how much of a mess I was right now.
"Why you cry?" He asked with a genuine look of concern on his face.
The question sent even more tears flooding my face. I couldn't contain my emotions.
He wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"Is okay. Come on I take you to get food maybe I can help." I reluctantly agreed.
I walked to my besties car letting her know the plan. We followed the car that the twins were in. Larry and I sat a table alone.
"So you want for tell me what wrong?" He asked.
"I am mourning the lost of someone I loved very much."
"I so sorry." He said sympathetically.
I poked around at my food. I wasn't really hungry. I haven't had much of an appetite. Larry was a breath of fresh air that night. We walked around he made jokes and just for a moment got me to think about something else. After hours of just talking the night had ended.
"I like you." He said smiling handing me a piece of paper with his number on it. "I hope you stay in touch."
He kissed me on the cheek then got into car with his brother. I got into the car with my best friend. I laid my head against her car window and drifted off to sleep. Khadija has been my best friend since the sandbox days. She hated seeing me broken like this but understood where I was coming from. She just wanted to make me snile again and for that I was completely grateful.
We finally arrived at my apartment. I hugged my bestie and went inside.
"You sure you going to be okay mama." Khadija asked.
"Yeah." I said forcing myself to smile.
I walked up the hall to my front door and turned the key in my door.
I turned on the lights and broke down again. I missed him so much. It was like every inch of my apartment reminded me of him. I took the last picture we took together off my night stand and held it close to my heart. I curled up in a ball and went to sleep. I was awakened the next morning by my phone. I didn't recognize the number but still answered.
"Hello" I said half asleep.
"Hi" the voice said. "I got you number from you friend hope is okay."
"Yeah it's all good." I responded while stretching.
"You busy?" He asked.
"No" I said.
"So show me around you town today."
"Sure why not."
I don't know why I agreed to that but it's too late to change my mind.
I showered and got dressed and waited for him to pick me up. I heard a horn beeping outside I grabbed my purse, keys and phone and went outside. I got in the passenger side of the car and off we went.
I stared out of the window as he drove.
"Why you so quiet." He asked.
"Just thinking."
We stopped some place I never been before.
"Come on I want for show you something." He said grabbing my hand.
We got in an elevator and went to the top floor. We ended up on the rooftop.
"Wow this is beautiful." I said looking out at the sunset.
He smiled and I noticed how beautiful his smile was.
"Every time I here I come to this place is peaceful. I non even bring my brother here. So you must be special."
"Wait I don't want you to get the wrong idea."
"I just want for be your friend." He said.
"Oh I'm so sorry." I said.
"Is okay."
We sat out for hours just talking. Come to find out we had a lot in common. Time seemed to have just pass us by before we knew it, it was midnight. He took me back home and walked me to the door.
"I really had fun." He said.
"Yeah me too."
"I really hope you stay in touch." He said kissing my cheek. " I think us can have a beautiful friendship."
He walked back down the hall and left my building.
I had to admit he was really helping me with my grief. He was so understanding and he always gave good advice. Time had passed and we were becoming best friends. We talked at least twice a day and spent time together whenever we could.
Laurent would tease us saying that we minds well be a couple since we spent so much time together. But that was a line that we never would cross. For two reasons I still haven't gotten over Jarrell and we valued each other's friendship more than anything.
I was on my way out for a jog when my phone rang.
"You're up early." I said.
"Nah us just getting in."
"Oh I see."
I stuck my earbuds in and begin my jog.
"Why you sound so shaky?"
"I'm jogging."
"Oh."
We continued to conversate through my jog. Larry had me laughing so hard I almost fell. He stayed on the phone with me all the way until I made it back to my apartment.
"I'll call you when I get home from work." I said.
"Okay I have for go too before Lau have hissy fit."
I laughed again before hanging up.
I turned on the water in the bathroom pulling my hair into a bun. I quickly stepped into the shower I was running late for work. I got dressed as quickly as possible before rushing back out the door. Once I got into my car my phone began to go off.
"Nautari where are you." Khadija whispered into the phone.
"I'll be there in 10 minutes stall them."
I drove like a mad woman through traffic trying to make it to my office. I made it in a nick of time.