y/n's pov:
i woke up next to billie peacefully sleeping next to me. she had tear stained cheeks. she looked so cute, her face was all squished up and her lips looking soft and pursed out. she had her arm wrapped around me and our legs were tangled under the blanket. i was still really sore from what my dad did last night but i couldn't care less. i've had it worse before, but having billie next to me makes me feel safe. having her here now makes everything that ever went wrong in my life worth it. i mean think about it, if my dad didn't beat the shit out of me daily, rape me when he wanted, make me cut my arms; billie wouldn't have grabbed my wrist, it wouldn't have hurt me, i won't have jumped, she wouldn't have been there to save me. every broken bone, all the pain; it's all worth it so now i have billie.
ten minutes have passed since i woke up. i'm still analysing billie's perfect face. it literally isn't fair. how come she gets to be this perfect and i look like trash. im covered in scars and bruising, horrible hickeys. my body is nothing to love. i'm not skinny, my dad would force me to eat so he would have more to hurt, made it harder for him to break my bones. billies literally slim thick. she's got a tiny waist, big boobs. she doesn't show it off much though, she's always hiding it under those big baggy clothes. to stop people sexual- oh shit i just did that. i need to stop thinking about her like this, not just sexualising her but thinking about her perfect she is. i can't fall for her for many reasons. she's straight; she's famous; i'm not good en- "hey mamas," billie whispered in her raspy morning voice. i could get used to hearing that.
billie's pov:
i woke up next you y/n. i was cuddled around her. her sent is sweet like marshmallows but also the smell of blood and pain. i want to make all of her pain go away. i felt a tear rub down my cheek, a soft hand cupped my cheek and y/n's thumb softly wipe it away. she opened her mouth as if she was going to say something but i stopped her. i kissed her.
y/n's pov:
billie kissed me. she kissed me. i'm stuck. what do i do. i've only kissed my dad. "i-i'm s-sorry i just i-" i pulled her back into another kiss, acctually kissing her back this time. it's official. i've fallen. i've fallen in love. i pulled back, realising what i've done. this is bad. yeah she kissed me first but i then kissed her. i stepped out of line. i'm in the wrong. "just get it over with," i whispered. i stared at her waiting for her to hit me. waiting for my punishment for stepping out of line. the suspense was killing me. i was scared of what she was gonna do to me. "get what over with?" "my punishment, for stepping out of line." i tell her. i can't read her face. it's lost. she got off the bunk and disappeared. i've ruined everything. it's all over. i need to do something.
billie's pov:
i ran away for a reason. i refuse to cry in front of her. "finneas" i choacked out. "finneas" i said in between sobs. where was he i need him. "finneas" i whispered as i collapsed to the floor. the floor was warm and soft and smelled like- "finneas" i mouthed. he scooped me up and carried me off the bus and into the venue. he krept into my greenroom with not many people seeing me like this. all vulnerable. i can't stand being exposed like this. let alone people see me wearing this. it's not my usual baggy clothes, i'm wearing a vest top and a pair of trackies but not oversized ones. i don't like any of this. "billie, whats wrong?" "i-she-we-i" i was shaking, "billie breathe, in through the nose out through the mouth." finneas tried to calm me down.
time skip half an hour
it's been half an hour since finneas brought me into the green room. i'm now finally able to tell finneas what happened. "i'm ready to talk," "okay just take your time," finn warmed me. finn is one of the only people who knows how to calm me down. "so me and y/n kissed." i sighed "well actually i kissed her" i leaned into finns chest "then she kissed me" "what's wrong with that?" he questioned. "no no there's nothing wrong with that, it's that she wanted me to hit her" i told him tears filling up in my eyes again. "she expected me to hurt her because she 'stepped out of line' which she didn't. she didn't do anything wrong and i just broke. i'm never gonna hurt her and i need to make her realise that" i sighed. "bil did you leave her alone?" he asked cautiously. "shit shit shit oh no" i jusmped up and ran out and onto the bus. "Y/N WHERE ARE YOU" i screamed. "here" i small voice squeaked from behind me. i hugged her and didn't let go. "i'm sorry i left you i just had to get some air and i'm so sorry i should've never left you" i whispered into her ear.
y/n's pov:
billies apologising for my mistake? "but i" "no buts, i should've stayed with you and explained to you everything. i ran away because all i want to do is make you feel okay, i just feel like you don't know how much i want to help you. i hate seeing you in pain and i will do my damn best to make sure you aren't and i will never hurt you understand?" she questioned me. "i-" "also you didn't step out of line. there isn't a line here. there are only 3 rules on your with you. 1. the fans can't see you much because it's stressful for everyone espically you. 2. that i make sure that you are okay and not in pain. 3. that you are never alone and that i am here for you" she said cutting me off. i didn't mind her cutting me off it meant that i didn't have to speak. i like being quiet it makes me happy. "so do you understand all of that?" she asks looking at my eyes "i understand" i said quickly and quietly. she hugged me and mumbled something under her breath. i didn't want to ask so i ignored it.
