Psychopath (EDITING)

40

"There you are."

☥ ☥ ☥

I take a deep breath and try to remain calm, as I stare out at the fading red sky in the distance. My actions from earlier don't even come to mind, as I continue to lose focus on staying calm, and hone in on the sounds of his steps nearing. The soft click on the marble flooring sends shivers from my toes up to my shoulders.

Immediately, the draining sleep from earlier is completely raised from my body, and is replaced with the growing anxiety of my consequences for my actions. Looking down at my hands, I tightly grasp them together, turning from peach to white. Unable to take the exhaustion, I don't even have the energy to get up and walk away from him. All the yelling and fighting have drained every little bit of life out of my bones, and left me here like an empty shell.

I hear his light breathing, as he rests on the railing, his strongly built back raising and falling between each breath.

Letting go of his breath, Stephan steps away from the edge and turns to sit down right next to me. His hands rest purposely in his lap, his back relaxed right up against the wall. 

"Why?" Stephan's deep voice echos off of the empty walls. Unable to answer, I just stare and fiddle with my fingers in my lap.

I can feel his gaze on me, as he patiently waits for my response. 

"I'm— I'm not some fucking toy you can play with Stephan." My voice scratches out, bringing out more emotion than I originally intended. Stephan doesn't say anything, but I can see him slowly inch in closer to me, lowering his head down to mine.

My breath catches in my throat, as I see the small dot of a salty tear slipping off of my face. I feel all my emotions bottling up and filling my chest. Unable to take it anymore, I let everything go.

"I can't take it. I just want to find some reason to live, I want to be positive, but ever since I was born, I've never been able to find that," Solemn tear slide down my puffed cheeks, leaving a trail of salt behind.

"You've seen the shit I've been through. So you out of everybody should understand how much I just want a normal life." My voice cracks in my throat, each words coming from the depths of my heart that I've kept hidden, even to myself.

But, Stephan doesn't say anything. I can't bring myself to face him, afraid of what I might see in the reflection of his eyes.

"I—" I try to catch my breath, overwhelmed by the feeling of everything crashing into my brain at once. The soft warmth of Stephan's hand grazes my back, rubbing innocent circles, just like when I first got here. I'm too tired to push him away, and I feel a small part of myself actually comforted by his presence. 

"You probably don't even understand how much that man fucked me up. I even hid this from him," I softly lift the hem of the ripped jean skirt that I'm wearing to show the faint jagged pink lines across my inner thigh. Stephan's hand on my back freeze, and physically feels like it turned ice cold.

Vacant tears spread down my face, as I feel a growing feeling of embarrassment and shame cross through.

"That's not it," I whisper out, Pulling up the long sleeves of the pullover I was wearing. There on each wrist lay three to four deep lines set in my skin, as a constant reminder to me about the awful things that man made me feel. My hands are trembling as I show Stephan my wrists, unable to comprehend the exact reason why I decided to show him my deepest secret. 

His strong hand covers mine, as he uses the other to lightly hold my thigh. I can see his strong muscles contracting, his veins popping out of his skin as his carefully and gently holds my trembling hand.

"I-I... Uh, h-ha.. I've never shown this to anyone. But, I c-couldn't handle it. That man turned me into something so ugly and useless, I couldn't stand to live anymore," My raspy voice whispers out, as I sniffle lightly. Water fills up in my eyes again as I think about those cold lonely nights in the bathroom, just me and the dull and bloodstained razor.

"He took everything from me," My voice croaks as I slowly, but purposely, raise my head to face Stephan. His soft lips gasp as I raise my head, and I find myself holding in a sob, as I see nothing but pained and water-filled eyes staring back at me.

"Wh-Wha.." I start to tremble as I lose my words. His jaw tightly clenched, I see the soft graze of each tear slipping out of his eyes and falls down onto his lap. I can't seem to stop myself from breathing heavily, but I try to hold in my tears as I face him. Through blurry eyes, I see Stephan take a deep breath and his usual dark obsidian fade into a soft grey.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah," Stephan's voice croaks out, as I catch my breath on a loose gasp escaping my mouth. I want to blame him, I want to tell him it's all his fault, but the look in his eyes makes something small break in me and unleash all of my pent up frustrations. Clenching his jaw again, Stephan softly brings his hand underneath my chin to raise my gaze to his. His soft expression leaves me lost for words.

"You're not ugly or useless... You—," Stephan pauses to catch his breath, "You are the most beautiful, strongest, and most alluring person I have ever met. Every time I look at you, baby... My once cold heart begins to flutter and pound out of my chest," Stephan pulls my hand up to his chest, as to his word, I feel the fast beating of his heart against the soft touch of my hand.

My gaze sinks down again, as my small voice whispers out.

"Why? Why do you say all of these things to me?"

Softly smiling, Stephan grasps my hands and pulls them towards him. Looking up, I see him teary-eyed and vulnerable.

"Sarah, it's because you are just like her. I love you because you are everything my mom defended in this world," Stephan croaks out, his words pulling me closer to him.

"My mom always told me about the brightest, most cherished moment I will have in my life, and she always told me about a life with someone like you. Someone small, naturally beautiful, makes me lost for words, but filled with so many. Someone that would make me feel new, that every time I looked at you, my heart would flutter like it's the first time we have ever met. Someone who made me smile without thinking, someone I could picture myself with in the future. And most of all, someone I would love inconsiderably." Stephan's deep voice rings out in my head, a soft warmth crossing my face. His eyes gaze right into mine, each word flowing out of his mouth as it comes directly from his heart. The vulnerability and earnest I see in his eyes make me lose my breath. 

"Your mother..." I pause, unsure of whether I should continue, but his slight nod gives me the insurance to continue, "Your mother, Stephan. What happened to her?" I softly ask, searching in his eyes for some kind of sign that I went to far and crossed the line again. 

Instead, Stephan takes a deep breath and smiles lightly. Holding both of my hands, Stephan eyes downcast, his voice coming out vulnerable and small.

"I've never told anyone about what happened to her. About what really happened. Are—" Stephan stops and looks me in the eye, "Are you sure you want to know?" Stephan tautly cautioned, peeling me from his usual cold demeanor to his soft tone.

I softly nod my head, and Stephan takes a deep breath while a ghost of a smile crosses his lips.

"I want to change for you baby, that's why I am going through with this meeting. And that's why starting from today, I will tell you the truth about everything. Starting with my past. With my mother,"