let me count your scars ➖ lashton hemwin

let me count your scars

i slashed my wrist again, creating another cut, another scar to hide. The tears ran down my face as the blood dripped down my wrist.
worthless.
replacable.
fag.
waste.
I made more cuts before I heard a knock at the door.
"Ashton? It's me. You've been in there a long time, what's wrong?"

Luke.

The bandmate and best friend I fell in love with.
I was crying to much to answer him back. My sobs grew louder and I tried to silence them before Luke heard, but it was too late.

"Ashton?! Let me in!" he said, pounding on the door.

I didn't move. I heard the door creak and I knew it wouldn't last.

Luke broke down the door and nearly fell on top of my crying and slouched form.

He immediately sat down and pulled me into his chest, holding onto me tightly.

"Shh... Ashy, you'll be okay."

"H-how c-can i-it be o-okay, Lukey?" I blubbered, tears impairing my speech.

"What happened Ashton?" he whispered, eyeing the blood dribbles on the floor and the blood covered blade.

I spilled everything.

"I cut every single night because I'm worthless and you all would be happier without me. Calum doesn't need me, Michael doesn't need me, you don't need me... No one needs me. My mom and dad kicked me out because I'm gay, the fans hate me because I'm gay, I hate myself because I'm gay and in love with you. You don't need me and you never will. You have girls fawning over you that are way more special than a lonely faggot whose friend only need him because he plays the drums sufficiently. I'm so, so sorry that you have the burden of your best friend, who doesn't even matter, falling in love with you.

"I'll end it soon so you don't have to deal with me and my problems. Don't worry, I'll be out of your hair soon if you let me go."

Luke sat there in shock. I felt his grip around me losen and I scrambled out of his arms and grabbed my blade.

"Ashton, don't do it."

This is what everyone wants.

"Goodbye, Lukey... I'll always love you..."

As I bring the blade to my wrist, Luke suddenly slaps my hand, making me drop the blade.

"W-why'd y-you do t-that?"

"Do you think I want you to die? Ashton, I love you too. I don't ever want you to die."

My tears that have dried up come back and I start bawling again. Luke crawls over and pulls me into his lap again and this time, I cuddle into him. He kisses my head and then whispers something I'd never imagine him saying.

"Let me count your scars."

"Why?"

"I need to know how many times you needed me and how many times I wasn't there."

He turned me around and pulled my sleeves and bracelets up. I hissed from the bracelets touching the fresh cuts.

He counted each of my wrists. Then I felt something wet land on me. Luke looked up and he was crying softly.

"Seventy three scars... let me see your theighs and stomach."

He pulled off my shirt and pants and counted again. I was blushing as he stared at my exposed body.

"One hundred twenty seven cuts... Oh Ashton I'm so sorry..."

I cried a little bit more, Luke securing me to his chest with his strong arms. He started singing in my ear.
"Being here without you,