Small black flowers that grow in the sky

The girl who wanted to be God

January 31st, 1995 – London

You get off the bus shaking. Your legs lead the way but you are not sure if you are walking. It's a cold and wet afternoon in London. You have been travelling since the morning from some smelly shithole in Yorkshire. There has not been enough speed to get you at that exact same location fast enough. You feel like you're gonna be sick. You enter the Embassy hotel and sit on the leather seats at the lounge until you recover. The smell of leather makes you gag. The water bottle feels warm and stagnant. You decide to have a drink anyway. Yep. Warm and stagnant as you imagined. Your head weighs a ton and your legs become noodles. You ask the clerk where the bathroom is. You go in and find the nearest toilet. You wretch and feel the throbbing pain on both of your temples, as tears run down your cheeks. You taste the bitter bile in your mouth, you look down the sink and notice a couple of drops of blood. You must have thrown up very hard. You get up grasping the stall and wash your face in the sink. Grab your toothbrush and toothpaste from your carrier bag and try not to gag and the menthol smell. You spit some foam into the sink, more blood with mint. You rinse your face again and stare at the mirror while the drops of sweat cool your skin.

Looking at your reflection, you start the feminine ritual of putting make-up. It is not as elaborated as you would have wanted. But it is what you could grab, while not being so sure whether you would make it this time. How many times did you go into that black hole and ended up somewhere else, or at the exact same point? You have lost count. So many trials and errors, and finally you stand a few stories below him. You squirt a bit of foundation onto your skin. You notice a few wrinkles that weren't there before. It must be the light, you try to reassure yourself. You know you are ageing but you're not quite sure how old you are anymore. You could be 20. 35, 100 years old. In this case; time is literally a social construct.

You will go for a smokey eye, just like you remember him wearing the night you met. Liquid black eyeliner, charcoal crease and silver eyeshadow. You think of Bardot, Sofia Loren, Jane Birkin... All those beautiful icons who rock the cat eye look better than you do. Oh God, you sigh to yourself. What if he doesn't remember you anymore? What if he changed his mind? Or worse. What if he's already dead. Nude. Nude lips. You will go with smokey eye and nude lips.

You make your way to reception

- Welcome to the Embassy hotel. What can I do for you? –

His name tag says "Alex". Alex has pale skin, and pale eyes, he's almost an albino but not quite. He looks not older than 20, and has big thick glasses. Probably some NHS glasses inherited from an older brother.

- Hey.... Uhmm, I would like a room

- Single or double

- Single.

- Ok... How long are you staying with us?

- No clue

- Right... ehmm... I'll book you a room for the night, and tomorrow you can decide if you want to stay longer. Sounds good?

- Yes. Thank you

- No problem... Payment?

- Cash – You hand him the wrinkled notes.

- Alright. Here's your receipt. Your room number will be 426, and if you need anything; anything, just press the zero on your phone – He muttered

- Thank you – you walk fast to the stairs.

-

An elevator would be too tricky for a first meeting. You decide to walk the 4 stories up. You read he is in this hotel with James. This whole thing is tricky. 426. Four two six. You get to the floor and it smells like stale cigarettes and wine. The carpet looks old and dark. You still feel a little bit ill. You walk through the hall with left arm on the wall for support. Four two six. You put the key into the door and open it. You instantly lay on the bed. You wish the time machine had some artefact in which you could stop time. You go to the mini fridge and grab three small bottles of rum. You drink all of them. You know you do not have much time. The articles say that he will disappear in less than 24 hours.