Shy (18+)

crush

Chapter 1.

As I watched my professor lean against his desk, reciting prose with a casual ease, I suddenly understood the true meaning of the word crush. All memories of previous adolescent yearning were easily overshadowed by the breathlessness I felt as I sat mesmerized by the vivid green of his eyes. When he was near, my heartbeat sped to an almost frightening pace.

In a moment of pure insanity, I even signed up for another of his classes - an elective with no credit. Just for another hour of deliriously painful proximity.

He was beautiful in the way that statues were beautiful. Tall with thick dark hair I longed to run my fingers through. I hated and loved it when he was running late - the first top buttons of his shirt undone and his jaw unshaven.

I was obsessed and I was surprised he remained oblivious to it. He'd been nothing but polite to me from the very start of the semester, giving my essays carefully constructive criticism. He treated me with the same detached friendliness he reserved for the rest of his students. It was devastating, the clear boundaries between us felt insurmountable.

He'd only ever be interested in me in my dreams.

"Happiness exists I feel it. I cried for my soul, I cried for the world's soul. The world has a beautiful soul." His voice was deep and filled with a vulnerability I could only guess at. I knew when he felt a connection to certain writers and I made it my mission to pour myself into their works, as if by memorizing the lines I could somehow become closer to the man who was little more than a stranger to me.

The end of the hour came too soon. Classmates began closing their notebooks and a chorus of conversation erupted until I found myself alone, flustered and struggling to pull my things and myself together as he watched from across the room with calm curiosity.

My face was hot under his scrutiny and I clumsily shoved my books into my bag, dropping my phone in the process. I heard him approach me, and saw him leaning down to pick it up with long elegant fingers. There had been a handful of times when he'd hovered over me to read my work or hand out a graded paper, close enough to where I could catch a hint of his cologne and it made me my head swim.

This was one of those times.

"You seem distracted by something, Ms. Alexander. Penny for your thoughts?" He said lightly in his slight european accent, his gaze intent on mine.

"Huh?" I murmured, I didn't catch a word out of his mouth too busy wondering what it'd be like to kiss him.

The corners of his lips quirked up just a bit, and it had a devastating effect on my heart. "Daydreaming, were you?"

I blushed even deeper, "S-Sorry, Mr. Auclair. I was thinking about something else. What did you say?"

He handed me my phone, his warm amber eyes twinkling with amusement. "Simply wondering what has you so preoccupied. Do you have any exciting plans for the weekend?"

"No, um, not really." I stuttered, trying desperately to come up with some kind of coherent explanation for the fact that I was acting like an idiot. "Well, I might be going to a party later. . ."

It was a lie of course. I'd been invited to one but college frat parties weren't really my thing. Being surrounded by a crowd of obnoxious drunk guys made me deeply uncomfortable.

He raised an eyebrow as if surprised. "Hm. Well, in that case be careful out there, Ms. Alexander."

"Yes, sir." I murmured, fumbling for my bag.

Bonnie was waiting for me outside of class, chewing her gum loudly while texting. She looked up with an exasperated look on her face, "Finally! I'll never understand why you signed up for this class, it's notoriously hard to ace and it doesn't even count as an english credit."