Shy (18+)

switchblade

A/N: This chapter kind of took a dark turn, I wasnt expecting it to end this way myself but I had a good time writing it lol. 

Of course she had to be at Fox's party. I felt a twinge of guilt knowing I was going against Louvain's wishes. I had even promised.  Something made me think that he didn't trust easily, and he had trusted me. I was torn between wanting to keep this whole fiasco a secret and not wanting any lies between us.

The apartment was cramped with at least sixty drunken students, the air heavy with smoke and the music obnoxiously loud. A few acquaintances called out to greet me but I only had eyes for Bonnie, scanning the crowd anxiously for a flash of vivid red hair.

"Shy! I knew you'd come." I rolled my eyes, face to face with Fox who was heavy lidded with what looked to be alcohol poisoning. He could barely stand straight.

"You're a tease, you know that?" He leaned in far too close, pressing me up against a wall. I squirmed my way out of his hold, my heart pounding.

"Have you seen Bonnie?" I snapped. Drunk men put me on edge. They brought uncomfortable memories to the front of my mind, memories I much preferred to keep buried. 

"Oh yeah, she's in the back room probably getting railed by a train of dicks." He laughed. "Such a whore, that girl. You're not like that . . .So innocent." He reached out clumsily to grab my shoulder but I pushed my way past him.

My hand shook as I opened the door to the back room, scared of what I'd find. I almost wept with the sight of Bonnie sitting with her knees to her chest in a circle of heavy lidded party goers.

"You're in my civics class . . ." This guy with multiple facial piercings pointed out, his eyes bloodshot.

"Bonnie, let's go home." I called out and she looked at me as if looking at a stranger. They passed her a textbook with neat lines of white powder and a rolled up five dollar bill. I watched helplessly.

"Kinda busy, babe." She laughed. "Want some?"

"Please come home with me." my voice was small and I felt my throat close up with anxiety. The atmosphere in this room was dark.

I remembered what she said earlier. It's not fun anymore. I'm not having fun.

She rubbed her nose and sniffed, her eyes glassy as she passed the book around.

"Such a spaz. It's just coke dude, don't look at me like I killed your dog." She leaned back and stretched her arms above her head as if to convey carelessness but her mask was slipping.

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself. Just get the fuck up and let me take care of you."

"Yo, this bitch is killing the vibe."

Bonnie wiped the tears from her cheeks and got up, reaching for my outstretched hand and I held it tightly. She followed without a word until we were outside. A few boys whistled and shouted obscenities as we made our way through the crowd. The air outside was a little heavy with fast approaching rain and street lamps gave off a hazy yellow glow. It felt like a different world, one with just us in it.

"I'm sorry . . ." She whispered. I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"I'm just glad you're okay."

She sniffed, "I feel like a ghost watching myself out of my body. I keep replaying the video in my head and I can't stop thinking . . . Just, awful things about myself. I'm not a bad person. I know that I'm smart too. I thought everyone was my friend but now I can hear them all laughing at me. All the boys leering at me. I just . . . want to die."