Shy (18+)

choke

He parked outside his townhouse, pulling out a cigarette and holding it between his teeth without looking at me. He lit a match and took a deep puff, blowing smoke into the open window.

Tears slid down my cheeks, the feeling of being ignored much worse than anything I could have dreamed or imagined on earth. I was suffocating.

Look at me, look at me, look at me -

He opened the car door, feeling like my heart was in his hands - and he was currently giving it a purposefully painful squeeze.

I took a deep panicked breath and turned my head to look at Bonnie in the backseat. She was calming down a bit.

"Let's go."

"Where are we?"

"His house." I whispered.

"Oh fuck no, I'm not going in there -"

He opened my door, holding out his hand expectantly and I jumped at the chance to feel his skin on mine despite the fact that his face was drawn tight with displeasure.

"Don't be a baby, Bonnie. It's fine."

She stared into my face and then his for a long moment before stumbling out of the car to follow us into the house. His large hand was painfully tight around my wrist as he led me into the dark living room. He let go all too soon and moved to turn on the lights. I watched him anxiously as he removed his coat, still smoking, then proceeded to walk around the bar and pour himself a stiff glass of golden liquor.

I hated the fear I felt as my eyes dipped down to the gun still tucked into his waistband, glinting in the dim light.

Bonnie talked when she was nervous.

"Nice uh, place you got here Mr. Auclair. Thanks for picking us up. Cognac, huh? Can you pour me a glass? I'm more of a Fireball girl myself, if you mix it with apple juice it tastes just like cider. You don't look like you're much of a mixer though. So what kind of gun is that? Looks pretty deadly -"

He shook his head. "There's a guest room upstairs on your left. You look like you're about to pass out and I'd rather you do it on a bed, not on my living room floor."

She took a deep breath. "Bed time for Bonnie. Got it." She gave him a marine salute and awkwardly made her way up the stairs with an anxious look at me over her shoulder.

I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

He downed the rest of his glass and finally looked at me, the flecks of gold in his eyes burned so bright they almost glinted like fire.

"Louv-"

He reached out to caress my cheek with the back of his hand and I thought for one shocking second he was going to hit me - but he kissed me instead. It was a choking, painful kiss but I melted into it until I tasted blood. He pulled back with a wild look on his face, running his hands through my long hair and and tugging it painfully in his fisted hand to force my head up.

His face grew soft, "there was in her a garden and a twilight, and a palace gate - dim and adorable regions which happened to be lucidly and absolutely forbidden to me, in my polluted rags and miserable convulsions..."  He whispered and I knew at once that I was hopelessly in love with him, and I had always been, perhaps since the very first day I saw him in the marked light of an afternoon, reciting poetry and gazing into my eyes as the sun rained gorgeous kisses and cast shadows on the soft plains of his face.

He made me feel like I could live forever if only I gave in to this yearning.

I was a slave for him.

"Are you still angry with me?"

He shook his head, tenderly tracing the shape of my mouth with his fingers. "I know I could deny you nothing, I know I could forgive anything, if you would only gaze at me as you are now."

He kissed me again but much softer this time. When he pulled away there was a wild look in his eyes. "Get on your knees for me, darling."

I did as I was told. I would always do so from now on. I couldn't bear his anger. I only wanted more of this sweetness, this affection. 

"I wish I could hide you away from the rest of the world. You'd only live to love me." He said softly, caressing my hair with one hand as he undid his belt and zipper - casting off the gun carelessly on the barside table.

I took him into my mouth and tried to convey the unabashed passion I felt electrified in every nerve ending in my body with all the dexterity I could muster, inexperienced and awkward as it must have been. He murmured soft french verses that I somehow knew were indecently filthy, as lovely as they sounded. Eventually, he seemed to have had enough of this and yanked my head back by the shimmering tangle of my hair.

He watched me with unbridled desire, the dazed eyes, the wet swollen lips and then pushed me onto my shivering back, holding me by the thin column of my throat. I realized how terrifying he was in that moment, how he could snap my neck in one delicious movement and I'd be as helpless as a trembling animal underneath him.

It did nothing to stop the ecstatic rhythm of my pulse, fluttering against his palm, nor the hot flush I felt between my thighs.

Even pain felt good when he was giving it to me, I thought with wonderment as he applied pressure gradually until I felt blood pool in my veins and my heart slow, the dull ache pounding in my ears.

I didn't even bother to gasp for air, trapped as I was in his burning gaze. His brows drew together as if pained and kissed my lips numbly, reaching down to toy with me under my skirt.

I began to feel lightheaded, the electric pleasure came in a hot rush and I convulsed, beginning to choke for air as I came against his fingers. I saw stars twinkling in and out of my vision and felt something painful press deep inside of me, stretching me full.

I shuddered against the invasion, twitching from my cataclysmic orgasm - taking desperate gasps of air as he pumped himself inside of me. I moaned something incoherent and fell into a state of unconsciousness, darkness enveloping me in it's slow embrace.