Can POV
Sanem gave me a heart attack after she mentioned the word "divorce" seriously, what the fuck is she thinking??? I am totally clueless right now. I came home from work and she told me the kids had gone to Emre's, which in a way I was sad and happy about. Sad because now my life revolves around our kids seeing Sanem and their faces when I walk inside our home is my only reason of living and I'm happy that I get to spend some totally alone time with my ever beautiful wife, who is the only reason my heart beats!! In the 2 seconds that she told me she sent the kids away, I made a detailed plan of making love to my wife all night, without any worry of our moans reaching the ears of our kids!
Well them she serves dinner and I can see that she is looking at me. Well I think I know what she wants but I concentrate on eating quickly as I need energy for my plan for the evening!! I am going to show her how much I love her.
Can, we need to talk; Sanem says and it makes me think if maybe I thew my dirty socks on the ground again instead of the laundry basket as I was in an aim to score a goal you know thinking like imaginary basketball. Sanem mostly says we need to talk when I do that.
Hmm; I answer as I yet want to keep the seductive mood to seduce my wife tonight!
I was wondering if we need a divorce; I choked on my food as I heard that, all my seductive seducing dreams flew out of the window! Her words removed the broad daylights out of me and it sent alert sirens all over my head. What did I do wrong?
Drinking water, I look at her appalled; What? I ask to check if I heard it right.
You heard it, I think we should get a divorce; she repeated
Why, everything is so perfect Sanem! Why do you want a divorce? I was totally clueless, what's wrong our life is so perfect, so beautiful then why?
Can, don't you think our marriage is too monotonous, its like the excitement, spark and love all gone! She said, hell is Sanem trying to say I don't love her anymore, damn she better take the words back, I live for her and will even die for her!!
How can she even think that??!!
Sanem, askim I love you; I say like assuring her because I'm trying to insure that I don't lose it!
Yes Can I know but I can't feel it! I mean you work, eat, sleep, play with our kids and then it back on repeat. There is no us anymore; She says and I'm wondering if she just said what she said??!! Did she say there is no us?? Wait did she say excitement? Am I not exciting her anymore, am I boring for her? Is she talking about sex, I mean am I not keeping her happy in that way. How much I know we both enjoy the pleasure at least I do, Sanem makes me feel in the best way possible. Even when she is tried out, she never denies me, and I know I'm selfish, when I can see she is worn out from daily household chores and work, yet I get my way and she gives in. Does that mean maybe she is not happy in our sex life? We made love last night, she didn't show any sign of anything wrong. But is she talking about sex? Thinking I ask her; Are you talking about sex? Because hayatim we made love last night.
Are you serious, Can, seriously, do you think when I talk about excitement and spark I mean sex!! I saw she was irritated when she said that so that means if not about our sex life. Thank God!!! Knowing Sanem too well had it been the reason she would have gone silent instead of replying.
What else is it supposed to mean? I thought it means that; I answered sheepishly because I knew maybe I said sex because that was the only thing I was thinking about tonight!!
I'm talking about the initial love and spark we had when we just met, its all faded, its like you don't care about me anymore; she said making me a bit annoyed what does she mean? I find everything fine! Sanem has kept me extremely happy, she has kept everything perfect for me! She has given me a perfect home, perfect kids and she herself is the perfect wife. Then what's wrong?? She finds our love fading but I see it very much there! Wait am I not giving her something she wants but hey she never asks me for anything. Even on her birthdays when I sometimes forgotten to buy her a gift, she kisses me saying that I am her biggest gift and when I yet pester her if she wants anything in specific, she says "Love me always, that's all I ask Can! Your love is my motivation to carry on, even if I see it fading a slightest bit, I will wither!" But I know my love has not faded for her but it has grown stronger in these years she is my standing force! Going back to think maybe there is something she wanted and I didn't provide her, so I decide to ask; Sanem, have I kept you anything less?
No; she replies and I swear at myself mentally of how can I even ask her that, I have in a way belittled her by even mentioning that. I will say sorry to her later, but right now I need to clear this topic. Oh my does she think I have an affair or something??? Blow me down Sanem, I would rather die than cheat on her!! If she thinks that I need to clear it right now; Have I ever cheated on you; I ask
No, never; she says so even this is not the problem, then what?? Did I say or do something to hurt her, which I know I do at times when I take her for granted.
Have I hurt you? I ask
No; she reply now I am bewildered why the heck does she want the divorce??!!
Then why do you want a divorce! I asked horrified
I told you everything is getting too monotonous! She said getting me all confused!!!
Sanem do you want to change the home décor, maybe the change will be good; I says as I'm not sure what to ask now.
Can!!! I am talking about you and me!!! Its like everything is just an habit now no energy in it; she says and I lose it.
Sink one thing in your head, Sanem, there is gonna be NO divorce!!! I will live and die with you!! Even if no excitement, spark, love or whatever you may find missing, your never going to get rid of me. I'm the glue which is gonna stick with you for life!! I love you!! I love you!! I love you freaking so much!! Saying that I stand up, pull her to me, carry her throwing her over my shoulders, and take her to our bedroom.
Kicking the bedroom door shut, I gently make her sit on the middle of our bed, climbing on top of her, I catch her wrist and put her palm on my chest where my heart is.
This beats only for you!! The day you leave me it will automatically stop! I will die the day you divorce me! You are the reason I live. Your the reason I breathe! Your my everything, Sanem, I am lost without you!! Saying that I slam my lips on hers. Kissing her with intensity and desperation, I am most happy that she kisses me back in equal fervour. I pull her body close to me and I push myself on her so she can feel me. She puts her fingers in my hair getting me more closer. Pulling back I look deep into her eyes asking her for approval she kisses me back in response. Needless to say I made love to her the entire night going crazy over her. My only fright being that I will lose her. I love you was the only sentence I chanted all night, till she dozed of to sleep in my arms all tired. I knew I had worn her out but I was insecure and scared!! The fear of losing her is too much for me to bear! I couldn't sleep at all, holding onto Sanem tightly then ever. Looking at her face I smothered her with kisses all over again, disturbing her sleep but I shush her back to sleep, which she does as her tired eyes can't keep open for long. As the suns rays fall into the room through the curtains of the bedroom window, I realize morning has arrived. Playing with Sanem hair I think of what to do, why did she want a divorce, what does she mean when she says the spark and excitement gone. Maybe after showing her my love last night she will know the spark never left after all. Suddenly fear grips me what if she is yet adamant! Thinking for almost an hour what to do I think that maybe if I get her pregnant, then she won't leave me. Yes we didn't even use protection last night. All I need to do is stop her from taking the pill! Wait she keeps the pills in the bedside drawer, I will lock it, and say Yildiz played with the keys as Sanem knows Yildiz our daughter has a fixation for locks and keys, she will not even spare my car keys, hiding them in her kids treasure chest I brought on her 10th birthday. So I will tell Sanem that Yildiz locked it and took the keys. Evet! I will do that!
Taking Sanem's hands I kiss it, whispering to myself; I will do anything to not let you go away from me!!!
