SOPE | Texting

pt 17

Big time jump, please don't read this chapter of you are sensitive to self harm and other things related to that. Thank you

1 year later
Yoongi POV

Boo:
Hey baby, I haven't seen or heard from you Lately... Are you okay?

Boo:
Tbh your kinda scaring me

Boo:
Yoongi please for the love of god text back

Boo:
Come on, you won't answer the door, my calls, my texts, my emails

Boo:
Wtf is going on

Boo:
Baby you know I love you

Boo:
Right?

Boo:
Yoongi answer me right now

Me:
What

Boo:
What the fuck is going on min Yoongi

Boo:
You have been ignoring me for about a week

Boo:
Not only me but everyone else too

Me:
Please go away

Boo:
Yoongi what the fuck

Boo:
Did I say something wrong?

Me:
Hoseok, please

Me:
I dont wanna do this

Me:
I can't

Boo:
Why can't you?!?!?!

Boo:
Fuck this, I'm coming over right now

Me:
Hoseok no

Me:
Please I'm begging you, just stay at home

Boo:
Fuck no, your my boyfriend and I'm not gonna leave you however you are, I'll be over in 5

Me:
Please, you can't

Boo:
I'll break down the god damn door if I have to Yoongi, or you can open it and ill help you

Me:
I don't need help

Me:
Its too late

Boo:
Stop, your scaring me Yoongi

Boo:
Im a minute away

Me:
Hoseok im warning you, don't come inside

Boo:
Yeah well, too fucking late as well

---------------------------------------------------------

Hoseok POV

I opened my car door and I didn't even bother to close it, I was seconds away from bursting into tears.

When went to open the front door, I noticed it was unlocked. I slammed the door open and I couldn't believe was was in front of me.

Yoongi had cuts up and down his arms with dry blood and fresh blood his cheeks were stained from tears, and his hair was a mess.

My heart dropped when I saw that he had a gun pointed to his head as well.

I didn't know what to do, or think. I felt a waterfall rundown from my eyes.

"hoseok... I told you not to come" he said with a shaky voice.

I shook my head and tried to tell myself this was a bad dream. I started to lose feelings in my body. My fingers went numb and my ears started to fuzz up. "Y-yoongi, put the gun down. Pl-please-e"

Yoongi closed his eyes, I could tell he was hurting, but why? Was it me?

He took a deep breath "ho-hoseok i-i love y-you" he said having trouble breathing.

I did the only thing I could think of, when he looked up at the ceiling I ran after him. I pushed his body to the ground and landed on top of him. My hands fumbled to his and I took the gun away.

I stayed on him until he started uncontrollably crying. I slid the ground across the floor and picked up Yoongi onto my lap. I sat against the wall and held him close.

"Yoongi... Why would you do this?" I said not holding back any tears

He gasped from breath a few times from hyperventilating so much "hoseok I'm sorry"

I shook my head telling him to stop and I just pulled him closer to me

The rest of the night was spent with me cleaning up Yoongi. Not only did he had cuts on his arms but on his legs and stomach too. Pill bottles were scattered in the bathroom as well.

I spent about 2 hours gently cleaning Yoongi, then when he fell asleep on the couch, I cleaned the rest of the house.

When I finished I walked over to Yoongi, he looked hurt, not because of his wounds but himself. He looked like something was wrong, something wasn't right.

He woke up at 8:13 Pm. I tried to get him to eat some soup but he denied it.

I didn't want to push him because I knew he was going through something hard, but I also needed to know so I can help. "Yoongi? Can you please tell me what happened and what's going on?"

He wiggled around in the couch to find a comfy spot and sighed. (A/n this is gonna be long so prepare) "I don't know hoseok. I feel useless and empty, like no one likes me. I feel like I'm just a person people bring along because they pity me. I don't think anyone cares about me. I feel insecure. I don't know if people actually like me or they just don't want to seem rude so they pretend to like me. When I'm sad or hurting I feel like people just ask are you okay because they don't care, they just don't want me mopeing around in their life. I thought it would be better if I was gone, the world and everyone would be so much happier. I did the cutting because it took away my thoughts, it made me feel better in some sick way, it was like an evil friend. It was just there telling me to do more and more and deeper and deeper. I didn't want to tell you because I was scared you'd send me away to a hospital. I don't want to be one of those people... But i think i am... I don't want to be hurting anymore, im tired. I don't wanna be like this anymore. I can't smile, I can't eat, I can't talk to people, I can't do this. I-i can't do it anymore."

Every word that came from his mouth hurt my so much, that my boyfriend was feeling like this and I had no idea. but I do know that im gonna fix it, I'm gonna make it right. I can make it right.

Hey guys, I'm sorry if this was uncomfortable for you :(( I kinda wanted to spice up my chapter. Anyway if you do know someone like this, please help them. Don't give up on them because they need you. Whati wrote for yoongis explanation is exactly what I told my mom (except the hoseok part) I went through this whole chapter except the texting and the gun. Yes I have cut myself in multiple places and I regret it so much. I had trouble trying talk to family for a week because I had severe depression that could have gotten worse if my mom hadn't found out sooner. I spent days without eating,  smiling, talking, and a few days I couldn't get out of bed. What went through was absolutely terrible and I hated every second but I needed help, not a hospital because like yoongi, I was terrified beyond imagine. So I worked hard everyday, I worked on getting better and for 2 weeks I fought as hard as I could to get out of that serious depression. I'm better now but I still have depression because of my past and present problems, such as abuse from my father who I no longer live with. I never want to be the way I was before so even though, each morning is a struggle for me to wake up and get out of bed, I do it. Even though tying to smile for my family is hard, i do it. Its hard and slow but its progress. So please, help people even if they say they don't need it, they do. Thank you