Chords

let me tell you

Let me tell you about this existential crisis im having.
I was told by someone to look through my memories
And find the earliest picture of myself that i had.
I saw so many faces i haven't seen in years.
So many smiles that i can remember so vividly.
So many looks
So many heartbreaks.

"Take it in, feel it all and hold it."
I said to myself.

Im sitting in a room
In the middle of Florida.
Its 3:42AM my time,
And I've been looking for their faces in every memory i have.

And it's pathetic, really.
My first thought was

I wish i could just fucking tell her i love her again.
But not even in a, I love you and i want you back kind of way.

Just.

I love you and I hope you're doing alright
I love you and im sorry it got so bad
I love you and i know this is long in the past and we are both happy and better.
I love you and i just need to tell you because i hate that i never knew the last time i said it woukd be the last time.

I love you still, because we grew up to fast and I smile whenever i think about you because i would never trade it for anything, even if we messed it all up along the way.

Honestly, i just don't think i could tell anyone this and be comfortable and feel like im not losing my mind again and again.

So I'll write it here.

Sorry.