i know if i go, i'll die happy tonight (VIXX Rabin Angst Oneshot)

2. not all as it seems...

As much of a simplistic narrative as this that Wonshik had crafted for himself to make sense of their downfall, he knew that inherently, deep down in his heart that he was only lying to himself.

This wasn't how things transpired, and Hongbin wasn't even remotely the bastard he'd made him out to be.

More than anything, the younger man had served as his muse; the only one who'd ever offered an ear to listen to the hellish narratives of lies, lashings and longing and that he once endured in a place that never felt like home.

The unforgettable smile Hongbin had flashed him the first time they'd met on this sacred stretch of land struck a tangible chord in a desolate, naïve Wonshik; both old enough become college freshmen at the time, Hongbin would soon be starting his first semester. He was only into the last few months of having to wear a pristine, pale blue high school uniform, and was outgrowing the last of artificially pastel pink strands, slowly beginning to fade into nothing but a weak bleach blond.

The most unlikely of encounters occurred between them all those summers ago, mutually yearning for an escape from their individual miseries, purely by chance. Only the waves and their gentle shared breaths could offer them a sense of safety in this world, assurance away from their vastly different but equally as abrasive realities.

And though it did take some time for either of them to fully open up to one another, their non-judgemental, empathetic presence for each other proved more than enough.

For Wonshik, first impressions always seemed to deceive him though. Deceive him well, and with Hongbin, this had proven to be no exception.

From the start, the way the younger's deepened voice and whimsical, playful demeanour exuded such an outwardly carefree persona attracted Wonshik in hook, line and sinker.

Heck, the tailor-made uniform was more than enough of a reason to assume that he lived a well-off life, or at the very least, one he was contented with living.

However, he'd later painfully learn the truth that this came from the masking of many childhood traumas.

Behind the well-groomed facade, Hongbin served as nothing more than a domesticated doll for his parents, of which paychecks and expensive clothes were tossed towards in his direction to compensate for real affection.

For as long as Hongbin remembered, he'd only ever had insurmountable expectations piled onto him by his glacial caregivers, who paid no mind to his passionate pursuits in music, instead insistent that he obtained a high class degree from one of the country's top universities, a stable job and enough children and wealth to be someone who deserved any of their actual attention from them.

Any efforts to rebel against their stern regiments were met with slaps, punches and utter isolation, and the young man had learnt quickly and harshly in this life that the only way to remain unharmed under that roof was to brunt the unbearable burden as best he could.

Wonshik remembered how much the younger's body trembled that night in between his arms, violently shaking and sobbing out all those years of woes that had been knawing on to his insides for god knows how long, slowly causing him to internally decay, wither, rot, and die.

The elder boy could recall with vivid vision once their tight embrace had parted, the utter wave of horror that had washed over his mind upon seeing the broken, shattered image of Hongbin whose chest was heaving and eyes looked utterly devoid of hope, merely blackened orbs of lifelessness.

Nothing would ever allow Wonshik to erase the way Hongbin's lips mingled with the taste of salty, ugly tears as he suddenly pulled him in, letting hands rummage through those bleached locks in an utter moment of madness that despite initially withdrawing from, Hongbin pulled him back into just as desperately, hungrily and greedily taking in the very essence of Wonshik that night.

The complete and utter taking of one another's body and soul, for what would only be the first of many, many times to come.

Wonshik convinced himself that nobody was ever going to love nor worship his body just as much as Hongbin did.

That was, until the news came.