New Beginnings

Chapter 4- Silent Observer

I can remember it so clearly, my brain was a prison, with no one to talk to I felt trapped, lying stilly awake at night rethinking my problems that lead to no resolutions, with no one to confide in. It was after Mina died, I'd never felt so alone in the world. As the rest of the group and I didn't have the best relationship, I had no one else, and the feeling, it still haunts me to this day. . .

Day by day, I was getting worse by the minute and no one was noticing. I didn't blame them, I never made an effort with them, I always had Mina by my side and then, so suddenly, she was gone. I guess I always had a feeling I would instantly click with them but I think after a long time, I got tired of waiting and started to realise that they weren't the rest of 'the group'. They were a bunch of innocent though very much separate people, that never talked, barely even moved and each one them got ripped away from humanity just as I did.

Even at such a young age, I would think to myself, 'Why me, God? What did I ever do to deserve this?' And even to this day, I've never within myself, been able to find an answer.

Therapy was the first solution to everyone, they took one look at me and found the best of the best, they didn't need to examine me much. As soon as the doctors took one look at my ghostly complexion, bony face and body, hair that by now was resembling a birds nest and the heavy, dark bags under my eyes, they knew I wasn't ready to face the world just yet.

I was 10 years old, though already scared to fall asleep, to go outside, to even blink in case something happened in the split second while my eyes flashed. Every movement I made was agony for the rest few months because of all the cuts and bruises, I can still remember it so clearly.

At last, I snap out of it as soon as Samantha waves her hand in my face, "Earth to Emma!" She laughs.

I lightly chuckle back so they don't suspect anything and think I was just daydreaming. Which I was, to be fair but this was a different kind, more a nightmare than a dream. . .

Daniel turns to face me, "So what do you think Emma, about the beach?"

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea," I say in a faraway voice.

"Okay it's settled, so Jacob will pick you up at your house, 12 pm on Saturday."

I nod as if I've been listening to the conversation whole time but I think that's pretty much all I needed to know anyway. The beach sounds good though, I need to get away, it's now the end of September and Jacob and I have been working on the case this whole time, with it getting nowhere, nowhere at all. . .

I have to be careful, a few times I have nearly been caught by my mom by accidentally leaving the file out or in the wrong place and having to fix it while she was in the shower. Despite the few mishaps though, everything's fine. School so far has been normal, if you could say that.

We had mass every day for a week for Miss Alves and now there is a table in the second floor corridor with a white table, a picture of her, a candle and a book to write nice memories we have of her.

By now we've figured out the school might not know, there's no weird looks, they always carry through with the same story and never hesitate and I know that doesn't seem like solid evidence but I just have a feeling they don't. I guess time will tell though.

It's Thursday today so we go to the beach this Saturday, from what I've heard. I'm looking forward to this now, I haven't been to the beach in years, beaches are normally filled with hundreds of people, staring right through you as you're edging past them feeling self-conscious and wondering what's going on in their minds. That could just me be though. . .