SHUT UP! jenzie

eight

I GROAN AS MY PHONE DINGS AGAIN,
i pick it up and cringe at the sudden exposure to the bright light. it's johnny. i quickly sit up straight, i stare off into space recalling everything that happened yesterday. i'm hit with an overwhelming amount of guilt, i cried out of jealousy because a girl texted him.

last night, maddie made sure i was nowhere near my phone. i told her what happened and basically cried myself to sleep.

i should've just told johnny i didn't like sophia and don't want him to go out with her, instead i pinpointed everything i was feeling.

11:39am. i realize how late it is and check my phone. i see a whole lot of texts from johnny, i'm not surprised though.

johnny
kenz, pls don't be mad
i'm so sorry
i didn't know you felt that way.
i understand if you hate me, pls talk to me

johnny
i won't go out with sophia if that's what you want.
i don't want to even be near her!
please answer
it breaks my heart knowing i made you cry
i'm sorry

johnny
please text me when you wake up.
i want to talk to you

johnny
i'm really sorry mackenzie
fuck idk what to do. pls answer your phone

johnny
i hope you slept well.

johnny
can we talk?

i realize the last text was sent five minutes ago. i also realize he called me mackenzie, yeesh
i type out a response before deleting it, i do this a couple more times before deciding on one.

kenzie
i just need some time to think, i'm sorry

almost immediately the blue typing bubbles pop up

johnny
don't be sorry, i'll be here

i take long hot shower, i don't realize how long it's been when i see the time. 12:41. i wasted a lot of water. i drag myself out of my room and go downstairs and grab some cereal. maddie walks in the kitchen and gives me a sympathetic smile. "did you talk to him" she asks. "i told him i need time to think"

"good" she says satisfied.

"it's not good maddie, after a while i will have to face him. what will i say then. he obviously doesn't love me back" i ramble then soon realize what i said

maddie's blue eyes grow wide and she freezes. her expression is filled with shock, i look down and clutch my spoon like that's going to save me

"you're... in love with him?" she questions sitting on the stool beside me.

i didn't realize i was until i said it, i keep my gaze down. i slowly nod my head.

"has he ever said anything about having feelings for you?" she interrogates

"he flirts a lot, but it's just his personality. he once said he is deeply in love with me, but he meant it as a joke" i roll my eyes

"i don't think he did" maddie reassures me.

"can we talk about something else" i say frustrated.

she sighs and says, "there's a party at dylan's after a few days..."

"no" i say without even thinking, a party would make things worse.

"well i'm going" she says and looks away.

"mom will kill you" mom and dad are away for the week so we are in charge of the house. they strictly said no parties.

"eh whatever" she says and walks off.

i spend the rest of the day texting annie and nadia, also eating a crap ton of junk.

***

3 days later 10:58pm

i'm home alone, maddie left for the party an hour ago, she went with some guy. i'm sitting on my bed staring at the selfie of me and johnny from the other day. i stare at how his lips are on my cheek. who would've know that after that moment what would happen. i sigh in frustration and throw my phone across my bed.

i cried like a baby yesterday, i could've handled the situation like an adult and talked it through with johnny. but nope. he tried calling me yesterday, but i got too scared and didn't answer

i miss him, way too much. i want him sitting next to me making fun of the way i pronounce 'caramel' or convincing me to stay over at his house. the only person i can blame is myself.

after 20 minutes of watching netflix my phone rings. i groan way too loud

maddawg😈

i quickly pick up.

"hey kenzie?" i her her yell over the loud music. i hear many people singing or whatever. i roll my eyes

"yeah?" i ask annoyed, wanting to know why she disrupted my netflix time

"i need you to pick me up"

"what! no. come back with that guy you went with"

"he got really drunk and i don't know where he is" she worries

"how am i supposed to get there?!"

"drive moms car"

i grind my teeth together thinking of another solution.

"i'll be there in 15" i groan while getting up.

"thank yo-" i hang up

whoops.

i look at myself in my mirror, i'm wearing black ripped jeans with a huge dark grey hoodie. i brush my hair and grab my phone and shove it in my pocket. i run downstairs and grab mom's ranger rovers keys from the island. i lock the door and jog to the garage.

welp, looks like i'm going to a party.

🤪