Hazel Irises

Chapter Four

Standing over the kitchen counter, staring at her name flashing on my phone screen, searching for reasons in my head she could be calling me, I panicked. What am I supposed to do? I should pick up the phone. Yes, I should answer it.

I pressed the "answer" button before I could hesitate. I lifted the phone to my ear.

What do I say?

"Hello?" I said. I should have said something cooler...hey, babe, maybe. That would make me seem like a cool Californian surfer dude.

"Josh, hey," Hazel greeted. Her voice made me want to forget everything around me and travel across the country to give her another kiss. Our undefined relationship had been driving me crazy, but I didn't ever call because I knew she would just hang up. "How's it going?"

It shocked me a little that she wanted a normal conversation. Don't you want to discuss New Year's?

"It's...okay," I lied.

"You hate it, don't you?" Hazel asked, that all-knowing tone in her voice.

"So much."

"I knew it," she said. "You'll be fine, Josh. Have you met anyone yet?"

My heart skipped a beat. "Specify anyone."

She laughed--ugh, that laugh. "Friends, Josh. Friends."

"Not really. I mean, there's this girl, Iris, she's pretty cool," I said, "but that's about it."

 "Is she pretty?"

"Yeah, she is."

Hazel was quiet for a moment. I cursed myself in my head. What kind of idiot was I? I should have lied again--of course I should have. I can't ever move on from Hazel. Not after we shared that kiss on New Year's, when I could feel the chemistry sparking, creating the biggest fireworks show I'd ever experienced.

"Not as much as you," I added to break the silence.

Hazel laughed again. It was fake, to make me feel better. "What does she look like?" she asked. Her voice was choked, a stab to my heart.

"She has really crazy hair," I said.

We were both pretending to be okay now, and we talked for another ten minutes. Even though I could hear her sniffle sometimes on the other line, I convinced myself that she was happy to talk to me. Maybe she was; it was just hard to imagine that when she was so obviously in tears. Damn, why does she have to be like this?

I went online and ordered her some flowers before I called it a night.

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On Monday, I stayed after school to watch Iris in her cross country meet. The event was strikingly unexciting. The crowd got to see the girls take off, and then they ran for a while and disappeared around a corner for another twenty minutes before they'd come back to cross the finish line.

I turned on my phone for the first time since Friday, and saw a text from Hazel right away. It was a picture of the flowers I had sent her (a small arrangement of forget-me-nots and carnations) and the words "thank you."

The noise around me rose into a crescendo. I looked up to see the girls coming into visibility along the horizon, looking alive yet flushed and tired. Iris was at the very end of the line. Dead last.

The runners struggled to pick up their pace on the last leg. I watched the lead runner, bearing green and silver school colors on her uniform, run one lap around the track and then sprint up the middle of the loop. Her legs were a blur, her arms pumped, and her skin glistened with sweat despite the chilly January weather.